When we first determined that our son had ADHD, we took an aggressive approach to the situation - denial wasn't our style. We sought the best medical advice we could get. We immersed ourselves in every book, magazine and web site having anything to do with ADHD and ADD.
Almost everyone has heard the debate on whether or not to use medication. Our doctor had advised that any side effects of the medication, such as weight loss, would be far outweighed by one critical concern. The doctor expressed concern that our sons impulsive behaviour would not only get him in trouble with his school teachers and administrators, but would also have the potential for him to be ostracized by his peers/friends.
We went the medication route and over time found the right meds, dosage and timing for our son. Having ADHD myself, I have taken medication also and can state, without hesitation, that my thoughts and actions are clearer, calmer, less distracted and less impulsive.
We have had times where our son has had to go without his meds. At those times, invariably, a new person comes out: completely out of control with bizarre interactions with others. At the end of those days, my son is generally remorseful and cannot wait to have his medication the next day.
Even with the benefit of the medication, school and relationships with friends have suffered.
Although school administrators have expressed patience and an understanding with the situation, that does not always make it all the way to the teaching staff. Teachers see an extremely bright boy who can behave at times and therefore see our son as choosing to behave or not. Reporting that the child is impulsive or ill-behaved is the equivalent of saying "the blind boy still refuses to see".
Close friendships never seem to last more than a couple of years. Our son's sense of humor is intelligent and above his age-level. Teachers and counselor's see some very clever attempts at humor that other kids see as just "weird".
It is a beautiful day today on Long Island - a nice warm break from a bitter winter. Other kids are running around outside in shorts and T-shirts. My son is sitting in front of the computer. His play is "safe" there. He won't offend anyone. No one will reprimand him for his impulsivity. It seems that it gets harder and harder for him to risk reaching out to others.
We still press on looking for opportunities for him to have positive social experiences. ADHD runs in cycles - good times of the day and bad; good days/months/years and bad. Better days will come again.
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that's too bad Chris.
ReplyDeleteADHD meds can be useful but they won't teach skills.
Have you tried a psychologist/therapist that knows ADHD to help with the social skills, a common problem for kids & some adults with ADHD? Crucial that whoever you use really gets ADHD or could be counterproductive
You might want to ask for some names at a local ADHD support group
Thanks for reading and thanks for the comments.
ReplyDeleteWe have tried several different psychologists who have worked with him. He doesn't open up. He opens up with me and occasionally with his mother. His psychiatrist seems to connect and has extended himself into more of a counseling role. The school psychologist is actively working with him, also.
He is in denial and cannot deal with the fact that his social skills are weak and getting worse. We have learned that we cannot force him to grow. It only makes him shut down more. His growth needs to be somewhat organic, almost as if he needs to “hit bottom”.
He will be in a new school (Junior/Middle) in the Fall. We are hoping that he comes out of his shell with new faces and new social circumstances. When I was his age, I was awkward and with few friends my own age, until 7th and 8th grade. Starting 9th in High School, I became very social, developing friendships that would last for the next 20 years.
Until then, we will continue to offer him access to any counseling he may be open to, create opportunities for positive social experiences and try to make his home life loving, supportive and encouraging. At the same time we will try to teach him how to organize and discipline his life and deal with the positive and negative aspects of ADHD.
Thank you for your expression of concerned interest and offered advice. I am truly grateful for your outreach.
You're welcome Chris, sounds like you're doing the right things. hard to deal with denial.
ReplyDeletemaybe you might go to a local add support group for support for you and your wife. easy to think you're the only one with a kid with adhd.
Maybe focus a lot on noticing him when he does right, nothing improves a childs hearing like praise.
Positive reinforcement is definitely key and we are always looking for opportunities to catch him doing something good.
ReplyDeleteWe have not done much in the way of actively participating in support groups and will consider your advice to do so. We are members of CHADD.
The biggest surprise in the recent past has been in Twitter. I had joined about two weeks ago, looking to discover what the buzz was about. After meeting someone who was earlier in the ADHD child life cycle than I was, I found myself wanting to mentor this person. From there I started this blog four days ago to vent and possibly offer some support to those dealing with ADHD and insight to those who are not.
Thanks again for all of your support Pete. I hope our paths continue to cross!