Finding My Way

I’ve gotten quite a few notes from people checking in, to see if all is OK in our neck of the woods. The common thread was “you indicated you were having difficulties, then disappeared”. For that I must apologize. For the most part I came to a grinding halt with my online presence. The reasons have been many.

To start, on May 23rd, 2009 (Memorial Day weekend), I had gone back to...(Continued)

An ADHD Miracle Cure?

To think that I have wasted all these years accepting ADHD as a mental processing and executive function disability, when I could have just “cured” it!

One ad indicated how its product can:

- Reduce hyperactivity & support calmness
- Maximize attention span & focus
- Support optimal brain & synaptic health
- Strengthen immune system health
- Get results with zero side effects

...(Continued)

A Great ADHD Hobby: Geocaching!

We have recently discovered a great new way to spend time as a family. A family doctor, whose own child has ADHD, had recommended Geocaching, which we have come to understand as a little-discussed adventure/sport/game/hobby. I’m really not sure which of those fits best!

Geocaching is an outdoor treasure hunt in...(Continued)

10 Rules for Working with My ADHD Child

Everyone wants to know how to best help there child dealing with ADD or ADHD. Very often readers and social networking friends ask what we do, in working with our kids. Recently, a discussion like this resulted in an impromptu list of some of the rules we have tried to stick to. We’re not perfect and sometimes the train goes flying off the rails, but these rules ... (Continued)

Meeting the Needs of Special-Education Students

I don’t normally do posts like this, but I felt that the information it contained was important and I did not want this to become a game of telephone, with the message getting lost along the way. Therefore I would strongly encourage my readers to ... (Continued)

Some Setbacks...

Sorry for the delay in writing. We have had some good and bad days. OK - so we have had some bad days.

In my internet travels, possibly including here, I have mentioned the huge costs we have incurred with health insurance and out-of-pocket medical bills. I make a nice income, but when your medical costs are running over $50,000 each year for the past few (which requires gross income of around $75,000 just for the medical costs) it gets hard to keep up. On top of that, we... (Continued)

You're Too Smart to Have ADHD

Does this sound familiar? Or how about this variation: “Your child is very intelligent, therefore he/she does not need (select one of the following: medication, accommodations, an IEP, or additional help/support).”

I don’t know about you folks, but I can say first hand that this is the kind of thinking we tend to run into when dealing with many in our children’s school district. The people I have come to know online who have ADD or ADHD, as children or adults, have related countless stories like this. Many explain how as .... (Continued)

A Vision for ADHD - Part IV

We have stirred the pot in the area of education for ADHD kids. As a few had indicated, it certainly deserves further thought and discussion. We will revisit education for those dealing with ADHD in the coming weeks.

For now, I'd like to expand the field of view for my vision for ADHD. Let's move to the area of public information.

Before we can help educate the outsiders to the experience of ADHD, we probably need to re-educate ourselves. ADHD as a disability or disorder, while accurate in today's context, may also be one of our greatest ...... (Continued)

ADHD Goes for a Drive

I'll return to "A Vision for ADHD", but right now I just need to go for a drive. The only problem is that my navigator for over 20 years has been ADHD.

Over the years I have had more accidents, tickets and close calls than I can count. Why? At times distraction has caused me to miss things others might have seen, like the line of cars braking in front of me in stop and go traffic. My thrill seeking nature and tendency to become easily frustrated by traffic, have led me to use excessive speed (just once - I swear!). I can't count the number of times I have driven a route I know well and go zipping past my exit - detour time! - then miss the next exit to correct, etc., etc. Add to all of this the fact that my teen years were spent just as society decided that driving home from a party was a no-no.

"Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!"- Dave Attell

The cumulative costs of my driving habits have been well into the ten's of thousands of dollars over my life. Who has to keep an Excel worksheet to track tickets and manage points on their license? Who has a speeder attorney practically on retainer? (By the way - the guy has the same car as me and has recommended a new chip for my car to make it go faster - I think I smell a conflict of interest!) Who has to keep notes on when the statute of limitations runs out on an accident so that he can finally take a breath when a lawsuit is unlikely?

I'm always looking over my shoulder, waiting to get pulled over. A radio show I listen to on the road likes to play sirens in the background when they are talking, periodically, leaving their listeners with palpitations. I've got to find a new station to listen to.

Although this may seem that I am making light of dangerous driving habits, I am not. My dark humor leans towards gallows humor with something like this. There has been alot of pain, so it is a "laugh or cry" situation for me. Every day people's lives are irreversibly effected by the traumatic events that can be caused on the road.

So what can we do? As adults, we should be well aware of our mental condition when getting behind the wheel. Are we awake or tired? Focused or swimming with thoughts? Relaxed or totally stressed out? We choose each time we get behind the wheel and with that choice comes responsibility.

For our teen drivers, studies have shown that teenage drivers with ADHD:

• are more likely to have received repeated traffic tickets, often for speeding
• are involved in three times as many car crash injuries as teens without ADHD
• are less likely to be demonstrating good driving habits
• are nearly four times more likely to have had an accident
• are found to be at fault for car crashes four times more often
• are six to eight times more likely to have their license suspended or revoked for their
• driving behavior
• are more likely to have driven, unlicensed and without adult supervision
  

I am not ejecting blame for my actions onto the back of ADHD, but there is no doubt in my mind that it's been along for many miles. Be careful out there!

(Please visit my main blog at ADHDHunter.com )

A Vision for ADHD - Part III

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Now, a little more seriously, about that design framework for an alternative school concept…

Do you realize how little schools have changed in the past 200 years? Sure we have added some computer labs and there’s no doubt that we have perfected the teachers’ unions, yet so much is substantially the same. Look then or now and the scene is pretty similar: The kids are sitting at a small, confining desk most of the day, being taught the “fundamentals”, in a class size of a couple of dozen kids. The kids have off all summer, which is obviously a good thing – how else would we all take care of our crops? Take a look at an old TV show or movie depicting an early 1800’s school house and it looks strikingly similar to today’s educational environment.

Once in a while, progress, whether natural or man-made, requires substantial, sometimes violent, upheaval. I believe we are long overdue for this kind of change in our educational systems. For those of you who feel that my thinking is naïve, uninformed or overly simple, I don’t propose that I have all the answers, but I can assure you that I have a few questions and concerns. I have seen enough to know that while our schools are wonderful overall, for the ADHD subset it leaves alot to be desired.

I want to start a serious dialogue on what a “dream” ADHD school would be like. Let’s start by breaking down and discarding all of our preconceived notions. Throw out what you imagine a classroom looks like – for that matter take down the walls! Drop your initial reactions to what the hours, curriculum, testing/grading systems, teachers, and discipline should be.

Let’s start from here and free-flow some thoughts:

- Would most of the average day be spent working in an open-air, covered outdoor pavilion?

- Would the students work at desks, lab tables or mostly standing at project tables allowing the kids to fidget in place a bit?

- Would one day a week be spent working on some charitable effort chosen by the students?

- Would one session a week be spent using distance learning? From home? Or taught by a teacher from across the globe?

- Since those with ADHD often respond better to positive reinforcement, what rewards and incentives would be used and how?

- How would goals and performance be set and measured? Would goals for the school year be worked out, for each individual student, between the teacher, parent and student? Would components of a child’s learning criteria be split between the teacher’s goals, the parents’ goals and the student’s goals?

- What kind of new curriculum might we see?:
Win/Win Negotiation? Sounds complicated for a child, but how much more could we all accomplish if the “childish” dealings with others we all occasionally have were already trained out by the age of 10?

Time Management/Organization/Planning? This is the bane of those with ADHD! Why not teach children to be more efficient and effective with their efforts? Say no to “Where is my homework/wallet/keys??”.

Life discipline? Part health, part philosophy – maybe the McDonald’s of this world won’t stand a chance against these kids. If the government would like to take some of the money they won’t need for public medical costs and support this particular program, I’m sure we could find a way to accommodate them.

Delegation? Knowing what we are not good at is just as important as knowing what we excel in. Being able to manage our weaknesses through delegation can be a huge help in avoiding problems in your career, when you are dealing with ADHD.

An Animal Care Program? A child knowing that they need to get in to school to take their turn feeding and walking one of the class pets could go a long way with anxiety issues, not to mention improvements in impulsivity control, empathy and responsibility.

- Would there be a lunch program? Food education and a gluten-free, dye-free diet, with "grazing" ( many small, healthy snacks/meals)throughout the day could provide for more stable moods and behaviors in school and at home.

- Would the school have ongoing therapy? In group, in private or both? Cognitive behavioral therapy, meditation and yoga could all be part of the mix.

- What would the guiding mission of this school be? John Glennon had commented on Part II of this series and he put out a thought that seemed incredibly obvious, but at the same time I had never considered this significant point:

"...it’s incredibly important to realize that we have no shared vision about the
reason we educate our children. I would say this is akin to Dewey’s Aims of
Education. We don’t know if we’re educating them to be good citizens, good
thinkers, good soldiers, or just preparing them to move into a vocation/business
of some sort once they’ve graduated. Without this shared vision, we have
wandered aimlessly which has culminated in a poor system."

As I had stated earlier, this is only meant to start the ball rolling. We have a shared responsibility here. So with that, I turn the podium over to you, the reader. Please take a minute to share your thoughts by using the "comment" section below. I would really like to get the take of some of the parents who are homeschooling their ADHD kids (thanks for the suggestion Jack Blackthorn), as well as adults with ADHD who have thoughts on their own school experiences.

A Vision for ADHD - Part II

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As an ADHD adult, once again I find that impulsivity is riding shotgun. I have thrown out the idea that our schools, for a significant portion of society are due for radical change. But to be honest, I have not come close to fully fleshing out what they should be. It would be presumptuous on my part, to assume that something so important should flow from the thoughts of just one individual. That being said, I feel it is important to keep filling in the pieces as to what such a school might be like and why it could work.

Many comments I have received have centered on whether or not this could work:

“Our schools can barely afford what they have now. How can they afford a series of special schools?”
“It sounds wonderful but this could never happen in my lifetime”
“Won’t this be a problem for acceptance at colleges or jobs?”

I want to take any preconceived notions we have about school and throw them out the window.

Money and Funding:
As a CPA and financial consultant, I am working with educational institutions big and small. I feel that many educators at the primary school level have followed the status quo in both their programs and their finances. Creative thinking could come up with alternatives for funding.

Is it possible to establish sponsorship programs that have no effect on the educational material itself? An arm’s length relationship with sponsors could easily be established.

Our universities have learned to use fundraising appeals to provide endowments that could fund a school for generations. I am not talking about selling wrapping paper and candy bars. Direct mail campaigns and professional solicitation of large corporate and individual grants or gifts can be very powerful.

Lastly, there has been a proliferation of reports of financial abuse in schools in the past few years. We hear that a school’s budget is cut to the bone. Shortly thereafter, we read in the paper that administrators had been expanding their personal lifestyle on the school’s dime. There was one report of a school that hired a law firm on retainer, then also hired several of the attorneys as employees, with full benefits. We are hearing more of these cases, not fewer.

I do not passively accept the premise that we can’t afford such a program. I would greater argue that we cannot afford to ignore the potential for contribution from some of our brightest students, because they are outside the bell curve.

Something from the Future:
We cannot leave such important things for others to address down the road. If not myself to spearhead such a movement, then who? I believe that you create change. You don’t stand at a bus stop waiting for it to arrive. To motivate yourself to change, you accept that the change is needed, that failure to change is harmful, and that no one will do it for you. I am there on all counts. This can happen in our lifetime and I am committed to seeing it through.

An Acceptance Problem for Colleges and Employers:
Sometimes change requires upheaval. If I am right on this concept, I believe that the students such a school would produce would become not only accepted, but highly desirable. In any institution, there are needs for different contributions. Colleges and universities seek diversity in their student bodies. The best businesses today are looking for those who think differently, as they understand that innovation comes from those who have imagination in their hearts.

I have received many words of enthusiastic support for the idea of an alternative to public education for the ADHD student. Although this is only one component in the vision I have for ADHD, it is certainly a critical piece. In the next post, we’ll start to set up a creative framework for alternative schools for ADHD students.

Stay tuned for A Vision for ADHD – Part III: A Design Framework (or lack thereof).

A Vision for ADHD

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I want to take ADHD to the world. Too often ADHD is met with a lack of understanding and a great deal of critical disbelief. Even those who care and have taken the time to become educated in this area often don't seem to fully understand.

We as a group need to get past the idea that "different" is bad. We have such great strengths and much of our recent historical progress could be attributed to those who think differently. We need to be one voice; proud of whom we are instead of always apologetic for not fitting in to "normal" expectations.

I would rather be part of the rare few than be just another sheep in the pasture. It is my personal mission to develop opportunities for excellence, on our own terms, for those with ADHD. Imagine a system of wide-spread support, education, public information, networking and empowerment.

What kind of success could we achieve for ourselves and for our society, if there were open-minded educational opportunities for the ADHD'rs of the world? What if 10% of our schools thought like the approximately 10% of the individuals did? If we had schools that focused their efforts on developing the creative strengths of the ADHD'rs while spending time training them to organize, plan and delegate efficiently, the possibilities would be limitless. Instead, our children are trained in an environment where the educators are trying to be "accommodating" to our "difficulties". What if schools were structured in a way that encouraged targeted thinking without the limits of a textbook or classroom plan that at times may be incorrect or, at best, stifling for the imagination? If properly established, the results could be so staggering, as to the member of society that it produces, that people would be clamoring to get their children labeled as ADHD, so they could participate in the "gifted" schools.

Our minds have their greatest capacity for learning in our earliest years. So why do we create the most indelible imprint on a child's understanding that they are anything less than the brightest sparks that they are? We are taking some of our greatest, brightest resources and crushing them before they have had a chance to truly share their gifts.

We have taken a backseat to the needs of those within the bell curve. Is this possibly efficient rather than effective? How often is popular opinion or popular choice downright wrong? Using the 80/20 Principle/Pareto's Principle, we could suggest that 10% (to 20% - work with me here) of our students will be producing 80% of society's results in the future. Are our schools sure they have picked the right 20% to design our schools around? What if they are wrong?

I believe that the world of ADHD needs new educational and supporting opportunities now and that a few can make the difference for many.

Stay tuned my friends. I am not even close to finished.

ADHD Accommodations and Support

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Recently, someone had asked me what my view was on the following, in regards to ADHD:

- What should a person with ADHD reasonably expect from society in terms of accommodations and support?

- To what extent should society make accommodations or allowances for ADHD disabilities?

- How hard should a person work to make their ADHD behavior/performance conform to that of people without disabilities?

My deepest belief is that we cannot rely on the government to take care of every individual in every circumstance. Unfortunately, we live outside the bell curve when it comes to "normal" needs. Therefore, I think we have to strive to do more with less. Condoleezza Rice was taught by her father early on that, as a black person years ago, she would have to work twice as hard to be considered half as good. She clearly has risen to the challenge. Sometimes adversity makes us stronger.

That being said, where accommodations exist, a person with ADHD should seek to use those accommodations. Why would we take a bright child, who has difficulty staying focused during a test and punish them, providing them a damaging label of a failing grade, and hurt their self-esteem? There are those who would see extra benefits of additional testing time, as an example, to be an unfair advantage. As a society, do we not have an obligation to reach the greatest potential of each of our citizens, even if they think differently? This seems to benefit the society as a whole if we can help all to hit their potential.

The person who has ADHD equally has an obligation to society, as well as themselves. We should always strive, in our lives, to self-improve and grow. We are equally responsible for our own success. This means that we should come to understand our differences - strengths and weaknesses alike. The more we can reduce our negatives and strengthen our positives, the more we are improving the overall society.

Conforming is not always the answer. In general, the best situation for a person's mental health and well-being is one in which we have built a life around our strengths. If you are a scatter-brained artistic type, then build a life celebrating your creative ability and have someone else manage the mundane details that drag you down. I wouldn't suggest that someone force themselves to conform to an environment that does not bring out the best in them.

Remind yourself that the only one who can change you or your life is you. No one will do it for you. Find your balance, seek self-improvement and then celebrate your ADHD!

A Hunter Walks in the Woods

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I am sure many of you have heard of studies indicating that time spent outdoors in a green environment can substantially reduce symptoms of ADHD. The various studies indicate that being outdoors alone doesn't have the same impact and also that just being in green surroundings indoors doesn't appear to have any affect.

Few of the studies seem to address why an improvement is seen. Logic would tell us that we are burning off energy playing in open spaces, instead of sitting in front of a TV or computer. Maybe, but I believe there is something more to it. I believe that the reduction of our ADHD symptoms is the result of what we see.

Some of the theories on ADHD point to a need for stimulation. That is why the Hunter-type tends to look for excitement. We tend to live our lives a little more recklessly than the Farmers. We need stimulation to allow our minds to focus. Sitting still and doing routine tasks can be torturous. Many of us take stimulants that would have others a shaking, nervous reck, but are calming to us.

I believe the keen eye of an individual with ADHD views something like the woods a little differently. While the Farmer would see trees, bushes, a path and a brook, the Hunter sees an entire world. The branches overhead form an intricate nebula, tracing interconnected paths across the sky. The millions of leaves shimmer in endless shades of greens, yellows, reds and oranges. The path at your feet undulates randomly, reacting only to wind, rain, time and the steps of those before you. The brook sparkles, dances and gurgles, coming from some unknown source and dissappearing on its way around the bend. This explosion of stimulation asks nothing of us except that we absorb its sights and sounds. We won't be tested. There is no deadline for viewing it. There are no consequences for missing a detail. Endlessly stimulating, yet without pressure or judgement.

Since I was a young child, I have found my sanctuary in the woods. When I was having difficult times in my teens, a walk in the woods could put anything in perspective. Now, I spend a great deal of time at a desk, sitting in urban traffic, stuck on delayed flights. I live in a rather developed urban/suburban area. Those walks in the woods are more valuable than ever. Their restorative effects are quite reliable.

Now, with my two pre-teen Hunters, they too are learning that a walk in the woods is part of a healthier, happier life in living with ADHD.

Coexisting Conditions of ADHD

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Often, an individual who is negotiating with ADHD in their life will also experience other coexisting conditions, or comorbidity. The rate of occurence for various other conditions can be surprisingly high and can make diagnosis and treatment more difficult. It is believed that as many as two thirds of children with ADHD have at least one other coexisting condition.

In an effort to inform parents, educators and others involved in maintaining the well-being of children in their care, we will give a very brief overview of some common coexisting conditions of ADHD.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder:
It is estimated that up to 40% of individuals who have ADHD also present symptoms of Oppositional Defiant Disorder. This can take form in resisting/resenting authority figures, being argumentative and deliberately annoying others, as some examples.

Conduct Disorder:
Conduct Disorder is found to coexist in 25% of children, 45-50% of adolescents and 20-25% of adults. Some presentations of Conduct Disorder are aggression towards people or animals, property destruction, stealing from others and running away from home. If ignored, this can often result in legal difficulties down the road.

Anxiety Disorders:
As much as 30% of children who are dealing with ADHD are also experiencing Anxiety Disorders. Frequency in adults is less clear with estimates ranging from 25% to 40%. Children with Anxiety Disorders have extreme feelings of fear, worry or panic that make it extremely difficult to function. These disorders can produce very real physical symptoms such as racing heart/pulse, sweating, diarrhea and nausea.

Mood Disorders:
This effects about 18% of children with ADHD. Often, there is evidence of a family history of these conditions. Frequently crying, with no apparent reason, or becoming easily irritated with others are some likely clues.

Depression:
Varying estimates, between 10 and 30%, have been made as to the number of children with ADHD who also are showing signs of depression. In adults with ADHD, it seems to worsen, with estimates of about 47% presenting. Repeated negative social experiences can significantly damage self-esteem, leaving the child, or adult, discouraged and in despair.

Tics or Tourette Syndrome:
Less than 10% of those with ADHD also present signs of Tics or Tourette Syndrome. Conversely, approximately 60% of those with Tourette Syndrome also have ADHD.

Learning Disabilities:
Learning disabilities are conditions that make it difficult for a child to master skills such as math or reading. Although ADHD is not a learning disability, it can make it hard for a child to thrive in school. Up to 50% of children with ADHD also have some form of learning disorder.

As I am not even remotely close to being a doctor, I will leave the reccomended treatments and therapies to brighter minds. Instead, the intention here is to raise awareness that these coexisting conditions not only exist, but occur quite frequently. If we are watchful, maybe someone we are close to or working with might benefit by our ability to see the signs as a need for additional help.

ADHD & Taxes

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Here it is again - 10 days left until April 15th. U.S. federal, state and local taxes will be due. And once again, my ADHD procrastination circuits are rocking!

I am fortunate that I have a couple of unexpectedly free days to do the work. It won’t matter. I will lock down my free time approaching April 15th as “committed” to preparing my taxes. I will stress over the work. And then, I will do anything but the taxes.

It’s amazing how happy I can be at these times discovering loose handles around the house that need tightening. The garage will implore me to come and pick up a broom, after ignoring it the rest of the year. What better time to empty and re-fill the hot tub or wash the cars. Anything but the taxes.

I’m running out of free days. I will eventually launch into high-speed, around the clock sessions to complete the work. The kids will know better than to go near Dad in the office. I’ll use words that will probably deserve a little soap. It won’t be pretty.

I’m going to keep this post brief - I have to get to my taxes….. (wow - I just noticed how badly my desk drawer needs organizing!)

There's No Checkbox For My ADHD Child

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What do you do when your ADHD child does not fit into someone's checklist?

We just had a meeting with our school district's Special Education committee. We had requested an evaluation for our son for an IEP, or Individualized Education Plan, due to his ADHD and Asperger's. As described in earlier posts, his ADHD and Asperger's have been interfering with his focus in school and hurting his relationships with peers and teachers alike.

PJ was put through a series of psychological and intelligence tests. His standardized results came back as someone with superior to very superior abilities, often ranking in the 98 and 99 percentiles. His ability to respond to instructions was relatively low. Put in terms of PJ's experience, he has some tremendous potential, yet he has had substantially lagging grades.

Remembering homework and bringing home books has been challenging to say the least. One of the benefits we were hoping to get for PJ was some additional monitoring or oversight in regard to these assignments.

At the IEP meeting, there were many present, including the school's principal and psychologist, PJ's main teacher, PJ's psychiatrist, individuals responsible for the testing, a chairperson from the school district, Dawn and myself. All participants seemed concerned for PJ. His attendance in school was getting worse and worse. Indications of depression were beginning to show.

When all the discussions and empathetic looks were over, it came down to this: "His support systems are great!", "He seems to be doing well!", "We should continue to monitor him"(insert look of concern here). To really make the committee's difficulty clear, we have "I don't even have a checkbox we could use for him in my state forms". Lastly we are given "You can always request this meeting again" (insert hopeful smile here). Wow. How is it that I was not overly surprised?

As the appointed day for the meeting was approaching, I had come to the recognition that we were somewhat on our own. There is no government sponsored public education system that was going to hold our hand and steer us towards the best possible situation for PJ. They are tuned into education for those within the bell curve - the "normals". I don't mean to imply that they don't try or that they don't care. They clearly do care and are working with what they have internally and externally. But in PJ's case, it's not enough.

As in many walks of life, you are your own best advocate. Don't wait for your child's educators to pat you on the fanny and send you off with a "success guarantee" tucked neatly in your pocket. We have found that our greatest tools are thinking outside the box and taking direct responsibility for the results.

Don't be locked down to conventional thinking for your child. Instead of trying to force your "round peg" child into a "square hole" world, look for and enhance their strengths.

PJ loves drawing, computer generated art and Flash animation. By 10 years old he had taught himself to design animated cartoons using Flash. He was also posting those animations online and getting great feedback from adult artists. When PJ says he wants to be a graphic artist or game designer, we don't ignore him. We look for ways to encourage him in his endeavors. What better way to find success than doing what you truly love.

Find what puts your ADHD child in "the zone". Give them the opportunities to find their life's vocation even if it's not what you would consider a traditional path for them.

To paraphrase a favorite movie, "We don't need no stinkin' checkboxes!"

- Peace

"Bloopy" Feelings

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My daughter, Kim (9), is generally loving, happy, social and very active. As described in earlier posts, her ADHD presents itself in her talkativeness and her inability to stand still. She has been taking medication for her ADHD for a couple of years now.

Very often, especially in the evenings, she can break down into tears with little cause and little understanding. At bed time, she can have a bad case of "the blues", feeling choked up and sad without a clear reason why. We are not sure if these moments are early indications of depression, which have a high rate of coexistence or "comorbidty" with ADHD. Dawn, Kim's Mom, has been dealing with depression over the years. Alternatively, she may just be "crashing" as the effects of her ADHD medication(stimulants) wear off.

Lately she has put a label to these feelings - "Bloopy". My wife, Dawn, and Kim are putting together a children's book, where Kim can express how she feels, in a comfortable and creative environment. We will continue to encourage her to express herself through the book. If and when she completes it I will talk to Kim about sharing it here. Maybe another child is feeling bloopy and would be reassured knowing that he or she is not alone.

Until then...
- Peace

The Power of Choice

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We have changed direction a little lately. As mentioned in earlier posts, our son was having increasing difficulties with school. His ADHD was getting the best of him. PJ was reaching his limits with how many reprimands he could face each week. His spirit was at an all-time low.

Strict discipline was not working. It only seemed to shut down communication and showed itself as anger from all involved. After one particularly horrible night, I decided that the circus was over. We tried being more supportive, loving and encouraging. No more tug-of-wars over going to school each morning. We explained why it was important, offered rewards for going and explained restrictions if he didn’t.

In recent meetings with his school’s principal, vice-principal, psychologist and several of PJ’s teachers, I challenged them all to reach beyond their understanding of ADHD. We asked that they help PJ, through encouragement and support, rather than constant reprimands for his impulsivity. The principal made it clear that they were being understanding and that PJ had gotten off easy for his behaviors. For the second time, we suggested that maybe dealing with this was beyond reasonable expectations for the school and its staff. They insisted that they wanted PJ in the school and felt they could be of help.

In the following weeks, things got worse. PJ’s breaking point came when he told us through tears, that he just wants to be normal and that normal kids don’t get “written up” 5 times in one week. We assured PJ that he didn’t have to worry about Dawn and me getting upset over the school issues. We told him that he deserves to be happy and that he doesn’t have to worry about breaking the bad news of the day to us on top of everything else. We stopped pressuring him to go to school if he was having an anxiety moment getting ready in the morning. The school was clearly not helping.

Dawn was concerned. “He has to get to school! He’ll get left back!” I assured Dawn that right now, school was the least of our worries. PJ’s self-esteem and confidence were gone. He was in a depression-like state. There was more at risk for his mental health than was at risk for his academics.

Yesterday morning, PJ announced that he wasn’t going back to school. Considering what he had been going through, I could not blame him. I told him that it’s his choice and that was fine. (I know what you’re thinking – “who in their right mind would allow their 11 year old decide he wasn’t going to school?”. It needed to be done – read on!)

I continued to explain that it might be best for him to tough it out for the remaining three months of school. Then, PJ would be in a new school, entering 7th grade. I told him although it was OK that he did not want to go back, we would have to work out some other school or program, as he was legally required to stay in some form of education. I also warned him that, due to his numerous absences and time that would be lost transitioning into another school, he would likely have to repeat the 6th grade. I left the decision up to him. His choice. No tug-of-war. You can’t have a tug-of-war if no one is pulling on the other end.

PJ decided that he did not want to have to repeat the year. He chose to go back to school. This morning, I asked again what he decided and if he was sure. He confirmed that he wanted to go to school. Dawn called a little while ago – he went right in with no problems.

The power of choice can be an amazing thing. No one likes to have things forced upon them. We all like to feel that we are having some control over where we are going and what we do. I realize that this is not the end – just a great day.

- Peace

Teaching Your Child to Develop a Plan

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We’ve all heard the adage – “If we fail to plan, we plan to fail”. For a child with ADHD, who is living in the moment, this warning is especially true.

One of the negative aspects of ADHD is our distorted perception of time. The bad times seem to last a lifetime, while the good times seem to disappear in the blink of an eye. We have our moments of intense focus on some narrow topic or issue and then we have moments where days, weeks, and months disappear in everyday distractions.

Almost any survey looking for the common behaviors of successful individuals or organizations seems to touch on the effect that planning can have on meeting our short and long term goals. Almost invariably having a clear plan or vision is a key starting point in successful endeavors.

That’s great – but what does that really mean? I have had opportunities, in working with our kids on elaborate projects, to see just how effective a plan can be with someone overwhelmed by their ADHD tendencies. These are strategies developed through business experiences that warranted detailed planning to ensure that goals were met on time and important details were not lost along the way. The concepts were powerful, but still very simple. Teaching my kids to use these techniques can take “I quit!” projects to “I’m done a week early!” very easily.

Clear the decks! The first step involves no attempts to make progress on the project itself. Take that pressure off yourself or your child. Instead, we will just brainstorm.

Get out some pads, a clean calendar and any materials that may help us understand what the project is, such as an assignment sheet. Break the overall project into the mini-steps involved:

· Select topic
· Do background research
· Go to library/internet for detailed research
· Prep Item #1
· Prep Item #2
· Prep Item #3
· Typing
· Artwork
· Bibliography
· Table of contents
· Covers
· Final assembly

Obviously, the above list is just one example of possible subtopics. It should be broken down into steps that would take less than an hour to complete or could be completed in one or two sittings.

Now, using the list above, estimate how long each step should take. BE GENEROUS with the allotted time. It is much more encouraging to complete steps within the planned time, rather than for your child to feel a tsunami building behind them as they are losing time each day.

Using the calendar, drop notes into the available days, showing what can be completed each day, allowing for other homework, after-school activities and leaving an occasional day open. Ideally, you would have plenty of extra days before the project’s due date. It is important for the child to understand that if needed, some of those free and extra days may be needed if we fall behind or if surprises arise. Monitor the schedule throughout the project to determine if adjustments need to be made.

This method is simple, yet can be a great tool even as he or she enters into their post-school years and is working. I have used this method to plan anything from a school project, planning a complicated Thanksgiving meal to staff scheduling for a multi-million dollar accounting practice.

Teach your child that with a plan, the most daunting tasks can be overcome. Hopefully, they will make the leap to planning a very successful life.