Time to meet my daughter!
Kim has grown up trailing her brother, PJ, by about two and a half years. The kids have the typical first child/youngest child issues: "Why does he get to stay up 15 minutes more?", "She gets away with everything!".
With some of the challenges ADHD presents, it takes some additional turns. As described in recent posts, PJ has had difficulty facing his school day. Kim has had to watch her brother be the center of attention in our efforts to get him to school. It makes no sense to her that her brother should receive rewards for just going to school, when she does it every day. Why should PJ be praised for clearing his plate and glass, when she cleared half the table and started the dishwasher? We want PJ to feel the positive reinforcement, but it does not always make sense to Kim.
Where PJ has become more withdrawn, Kim is a social butterfly. She is always playing a couple of sports at a time. Participate enough and you’ll win a couple. She has received awards for poster contests, soccer, basketball and karate. We are always conscious of the effect on PJ when Kim has another award ceremony and we are showering her with congratulations. It’s not fair to tone down her praise at those moments for PJ’s sake. At the same time, Kim is less and less interested in joining in those celebrations and you can see the resentment festering. PJ too has seen his trophies for soccer and karate, but in PJ’s eyes, they are from a lifetime away and ended disappointingly.
It is not easy raising two ADHD kids. At times the inequities between them seem huge. Deep down they love each other and try to comfort each other when needed. Hopefully, the love and support they share will grow faster than any resentment they hold.
- Peace
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