ADHD Goes for a Drive

I'll return to "A Vision for ADHD", but right now I just need to go for a drive. The only problem is that my navigator for over 20 years has been ADHD.

Over the years I have had more accidents, tickets and close calls than I can count. Why? At times distraction has caused me to miss things others might have seen, like the line of cars braking in front of me in stop and go traffic. My thrill seeking nature and tendency to become easily frustrated by traffic, have led me to use excessive speed (just once - I swear!). I can't count the number of times I have driven a route I know well and go zipping past my exit - detour time! - then miss the next exit to correct, etc., etc. Add to all of this the fact that my teen years were spent just as society decided that driving home from a party was a no-no.

"Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!"- Dave Attell

The cumulative costs of my driving habits have been well into the ten's of thousands of dollars over my life. Who has to keep an Excel worksheet to track tickets and manage points on their license? Who has a speeder attorney practically on retainer? (By the way - the guy has the same car as me and has recommended a new chip for my car to make it go faster - I think I smell a conflict of interest!) Who has to keep notes on when the statute of limitations runs out on an accident so that he can finally take a breath when a lawsuit is unlikely?

I'm always looking over my shoulder, waiting to get pulled over. A radio show I listen to on the road likes to play sirens in the background when they are talking, periodically, leaving their listeners with palpitations. I've got to find a new station to listen to.

Although this may seem that I am making light of dangerous driving habits, I am not. My dark humor leans towards gallows humor with something like this. There has been alot of pain, so it is a "laugh or cry" situation for me. Every day people's lives are irreversibly effected by the traumatic events that can be caused on the road.

So what can we do? As adults, we should be well aware of our mental condition when getting behind the wheel. Are we awake or tired? Focused or swimming with thoughts? Relaxed or totally stressed out? We choose each time we get behind the wheel and with that choice comes responsibility.

For our teen drivers, studies have shown that teenage drivers with ADHD:

• are more likely to have received repeated traffic tickets, often for speeding
• are involved in three times as many car crash injuries as teens without ADHD
• are less likely to be demonstrating good driving habits
• are nearly four times more likely to have had an accident
• are found to be at fault for car crashes four times more often
• are six to eight times more likely to have their license suspended or revoked for their
• driving behavior
• are more likely to have driven, unlicensed and without adult supervision
  

I am not ejecting blame for my actions onto the back of ADHD, but there is no doubt in my mind that it's been along for many miles. Be careful out there!

(Please visit my main blog at ADHDHunter.com )

The Power of Choice

*** A Reminder - Hunter in a Farmer's World has moved - please update your bookmarks, subscriptions and links to ADHDHunter.com ***

We have changed direction a little lately. As mentioned in earlier posts, our son was having increasing difficulties with school. His ADHD was getting the best of him. PJ was reaching his limits with how many reprimands he could face each week. His spirit was at an all-time low.

Strict discipline was not working. It only seemed to shut down communication and showed itself as anger from all involved. After one particularly horrible night, I decided that the circus was over. We tried being more supportive, loving and encouraging. No more tug-of-wars over going to school each morning. We explained why it was important, offered rewards for going and explained restrictions if he didn’t.

In recent meetings with his school’s principal, vice-principal, psychologist and several of PJ’s teachers, I challenged them all to reach beyond their understanding of ADHD. We asked that they help PJ, through encouragement and support, rather than constant reprimands for his impulsivity. The principal made it clear that they were being understanding and that PJ had gotten off easy for his behaviors. For the second time, we suggested that maybe dealing with this was beyond reasonable expectations for the school and its staff. They insisted that they wanted PJ in the school and felt they could be of help.

In the following weeks, things got worse. PJ’s breaking point came when he told us through tears, that he just wants to be normal and that normal kids don’t get “written up” 5 times in one week. We assured PJ that he didn’t have to worry about Dawn and me getting upset over the school issues. We told him that he deserves to be happy and that he doesn’t have to worry about breaking the bad news of the day to us on top of everything else. We stopped pressuring him to go to school if he was having an anxiety moment getting ready in the morning. The school was clearly not helping.

Dawn was concerned. “He has to get to school! He’ll get left back!” I assured Dawn that right now, school was the least of our worries. PJ’s self-esteem and confidence were gone. He was in a depression-like state. There was more at risk for his mental health than was at risk for his academics.

Yesterday morning, PJ announced that he wasn’t going back to school. Considering what he had been going through, I could not blame him. I told him that it’s his choice and that was fine. (I know what you’re thinking – “who in their right mind would allow their 11 year old decide he wasn’t going to school?”. It needed to be done – read on!)

I continued to explain that it might be best for him to tough it out for the remaining three months of school. Then, PJ would be in a new school, entering 7th grade. I told him although it was OK that he did not want to go back, we would have to work out some other school or program, as he was legally required to stay in some form of education. I also warned him that, due to his numerous absences and time that would be lost transitioning into another school, he would likely have to repeat the 6th grade. I left the decision up to him. His choice. No tug-of-war. You can’t have a tug-of-war if no one is pulling on the other end.

PJ decided that he did not want to have to repeat the year. He chose to go back to school. This morning, I asked again what he decided and if he was sure. He confirmed that he wanted to go to school. Dawn called a little while ago – he went right in with no problems.

The power of choice can be an amazing thing. No one likes to have things forced upon them. We all like to feel that we are having some control over where we are going and what we do. I realize that this is not the end – just a great day.

- Peace

Adult ADHD on the Job

*** A Reminder - Hunter in a Farmer's World has moved - please update your bookmarks, subscriptions and links to ADHDHunter.com ***

Adults dealing with ADHD have their challenges. Many of the basic skills that are needed to maintain a stable and secure life can be evasive for the adult with ADHD. Long-term relationships can be difficult to keep going. Controlling our impulsivity, so as not to be always living in the moment, can take a concerted effort. This effects everything from saving for rainy days to staying on top of mundane home routines. One of the greatest impacts of adult ADHD is often on work.

When we walk out the door for work each morning, tiptoeing behind us, in our shadows, is that pesky ADHD. Often that walk out the door is 10-15 minutes behind schedule, since we couldn't find our keys, wallets and pocketbooks right away. Next, when we are about a mile away from the house, we realize we forgot something - back to the house. Now, finally, we are at the office. Some mornings it is straight into ultra-performance. Often, we are losing time with various distractions. Intending to work right away on that client project, all too often several hours pass - Coffee? check!, E-mail? check!, Weather report for the weekend? check!, Quick call home to check in? check! - before we realize it's almost noon.

Very often, I find I can lose days with distractions (Twitter much?) then when faced with a near-impossible approaching deadline, work with super intense focus for back to back 20 hour days, to just wrap up in time. Am I bragging? No. I wouldn't recommend this approach to anyone. It is stressful, doesn't leave much of a margin for error and doesn't always create the best result.

To help with adult ADHD, adapt your work routine and environment to what works best for you. Personally, I know that my thoughts are razor sharp at 2, 3 or 4 AM - ideas and important memories come to me in a rapid, but controlled flood. By 8 PM I am mentally like mush, in that I process slower and am more easily distracted away from my work. The lesson for me is sleeping 2-3 hours and then starting work very early is more productive and comfortable for me, when dealing with extra time that is needed.

If I am conscious of not being able to focus on my work, music, particularly Mozart, can add a rhythm to my thoughts that keep me on track. What was next to impossible a minute earlier can be turned on like a light switch with music. This works for kids too. My daughter (9) and son (11) are very quick to put on music - yes, even classical - to help keep their focus.

These routines work for me, but we are all different. Try different routines if you can. You won't shut down your adult ADHD, but by experimenting with different environments, you can minimize the negative aspects and work in your "zone" using that wonderful ADHD intelligence and creative resourcefulness you have!

- Peace

An Impulsively Passionate Life with ADHD

*** A Reminder - Hunter in a Farmer's World has moved - please update your bookmarks, subscriptions and links to ADHDHunter.com ***

So far, my posts are showing a very dark side to ADHD. Time for a bit of a lift!

The ADHD/Hunter type of person can also be a bit of fun. Impulsivity used properly can add quite a bit of spice to life. Just a few examples:

There was the time my wife, our two young kids and I walked into a store for winter gloves for the kids and left with rental skis and plans for a weekend trip to go skiing the next day. This was the kids’ first time on the slopes and my first time in close to 20 years. What a ball! None of us will forget that trip. Thank you ADHD!

How about the time that I came to realize that I missed the feeling of being at the beach? I grew up on the south shore of Long Island. We spent a ton of time on the water and at the beautiful beaches. But now, the demands of life made it that I only would see the beach for five minutes every other winter. ADHD to the rescue! Off to the surf shop! Surfboards and wetsuits for all! We started our routine of watching the sunrise over a cup of coffee at 5 or 6 AM on the beach and playing in the surf. Home by 9AM – energized and ready for a productive day.

I was at a fundraiser dinner. They had a “silent” auction. You walk around and look at the auction items and write down your bid on a list. Throughout the night you can check the bids and can outbid the last. I overheard a family member saying how she would love to win the auction for a house on Fire Island for a week. ADHD handed me my cape and – Presto! – I outbid everyone on the house. I really couldn’t afford it, but it was fun and exciting. It became the adventure of a lifetime. We ended up with over 20 family members for the weekend in the house to celebrate my father’s birthday. Since there are no cars on Fire Island, getting supplies for 20 for the weekend meant having to shuttle everything by boat and little red wagons.

ADHD can help create some very exciting moments. Impulsivity can be the spark that makes for choosing the path less traveled. Kept under control, the impulsivity of ADHD can help you live a passionate life.

Celebrate your ADHD!