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Finding My Way

I’ve gotten quite a few notes from people checking in, to see if all is OK in our neck of the woods. The common thread was “you indicated you were having difficulties, then disappeared”. For that I must apologize. For the most part I came to a grinding halt with my online presence. The reasons have been many.

To start, on May 23rd, 2009 (Memorial Day weekend), I had gone back to...(Continued)

An ADHD Miracle Cure?

To think that I have wasted all these years accepting ADHD as a mental processing and executive function disability, when I could have just “cured” it!

One ad indicated how its product can:

- Reduce hyperactivity & support calmness
- Maximize attention span & focus
- Support optimal brain & synaptic health
- Strengthen immune system health
- Get results with zero side effects

...(Continued)

A Great ADHD Hobby: Geocaching!

We have recently discovered a great new way to spend time as a family. A family doctor, whose own child has ADHD, had recommended Geocaching, which we have come to understand as a little-discussed adventure/sport/game/hobby. I’m really not sure which of those fits best!

Geocaching is an outdoor treasure hunt in...(Continued)

10 Rules for Working with My ADHD Child

Everyone wants to know how to best help there child dealing with ADD or ADHD. Very often readers and social networking friends ask what we do, in working with our kids. Recently, a discussion like this resulted in an impromptu list of some of the rules we have tried to stick to. We’re not perfect and sometimes the train goes flying off the rails, but these rules ... (Continued)

Meeting the Needs of Special-Education Students

I don’t normally do posts like this, but I felt that the information it contained was important and I did not want this to become a game of telephone, with the message getting lost along the way. Therefore I would strongly encourage my readers to ... (Continued)

Some Setbacks...

Sorry for the delay in writing. We have had some good and bad days. OK - so we have had some bad days.

In my internet travels, possibly including here, I have mentioned the huge costs we have incurred with health insurance and out-of-pocket medical bills. I make a nice income, but when your medical costs are running over $50,000 each year for the past few (which requires gross income of around $75,000 just for the medical costs) it gets hard to keep up. On top of that, we... (Continued)

ADD? ADHD? OCD? LMNOP?

Welcome to the alphabet soup!

We've all seen it before: Ignatius Stockdale, M.D., Lawrence Tuttleworth, Esq. or Mary Ellen Peabody, Ph.D.

Then, with a knowing wink you look at me and say, "It works a little different in our world, doesn't it!". In our world it goes a little bit more like this: "Hi, I'm Bob: ADD-I, OCD, ODD" or "Hello! I'm Susan: ADHD, LD".

Those few letters ... (Continued)

You're Too Smart to Have ADHD

Does this sound familiar? Or how about this variation: “Your child is very intelligent, therefore he/she does not need (select one of the following: medication, accommodations, an IEP, or additional help/support).”

I don’t know about you folks, but I can say first hand that this is the kind of thinking we tend to run into when dealing with many in our children’s school district. The people I have come to know online who have ADD or ADHD, as children or adults, have related countless stories like this. Many explain how as .... (Continued)

A Vision for ADHD - Part IV

We have stirred the pot in the area of education for ADHD kids. As a few had indicated, it certainly deserves further thought and discussion. We will revisit education for those dealing with ADHD in the coming weeks.

For now, I'd like to expand the field of view for my vision for ADHD. Let's move to the area of public information.

Before we can help educate the outsiders to the experience of ADHD, we probably need to re-educate ourselves. ADHD as a disability or disorder, while accurate in today's context, may also be one of our greatest ...... (Continued)

ADHD Goes for a Drive

I'll return to "A Vision for ADHD", but right now I just need to go for a drive. The only problem is that my navigator for over 20 years has been ADHD.

Over the years I have had more accidents, tickets and close calls than I can count. Why? At times distraction has caused me to miss things others might have seen, like the line of cars braking in front of me in stop and go traffic. My thrill seeking nature and tendency to become easily frustrated by traffic, have led me to use excessive speed (just once - I swear!). I can't count the number of times I have driven a route I know well and go zipping past my exit - detour time! - then miss the next exit to correct, etc., etc. Add to all of this the fact that my teen years were spent just as society decided that driving home from a party was a no-no.

"Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!"- Dave Attell

The cumulative costs of my driving habits have been well into the ten's of thousands of dollars over my life. Who has to keep an Excel worksheet to track tickets and manage points on their license? Who has a speeder attorney practically on retainer? (By the way - the guy has the same car as me and has recommended a new chip for my car to make it go faster - I think I smell a conflict of interest!) Who has to keep notes on when the statute of limitations runs out on an accident so that he can finally take a breath when a lawsuit is unlikely?

I'm always looking over my shoulder, waiting to get pulled over. A radio show I listen to on the road likes to play sirens in the background when they are talking, periodically, leaving their listeners with palpitations. I've got to find a new station to listen to.

Although this may seem that I am making light of dangerous driving habits, I am not. My dark humor leans towards gallows humor with something like this. There has been alot of pain, so it is a "laugh or cry" situation for me. Every day people's lives are irreversibly effected by the traumatic events that can be caused on the road.

So what can we do? As adults, we should be well aware of our mental condition when getting behind the wheel. Are we awake or tired? Focused or swimming with thoughts? Relaxed or totally stressed out? We choose each time we get behind the wheel and with that choice comes responsibility.

For our teen drivers, studies have shown that teenage drivers with ADHD:

• are more likely to have received repeated traffic tickets, often for speeding
• are involved in three times as many car crash injuries as teens without ADHD
• are less likely to be demonstrating good driving habits
• are nearly four times more likely to have had an accident
• are found to be at fault for car crashes four times more often
• are six to eight times more likely to have their license suspended or revoked for their
• driving behavior
• are more likely to have driven, unlicensed and without adult supervision
  

I am not ejecting blame for my actions onto the back of ADHD, but there is no doubt in my mind that it's been along for many miles. Be careful out there!

(Please visit my main blog at ADHDHunter.com )

A Vision for ADHD - Part III

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Now, a little more seriously, about that design framework for an alternative school concept…

Do you realize how little schools have changed in the past 200 years? Sure we have added some computer labs and there’s no doubt that we have perfected the teachers’ unions, yet so much is substantially the same. Look then or now and the scene is pretty similar: The kids are sitting at a small, confining desk most of the day, being taught the “fundamentals”, in a class size of a couple of dozen kids. The kids have off all summer, which is obviously a good thing – how else would we all take care of our crops? Take a look at an old TV show or movie depicting an early 1800’s school house and it looks strikingly similar to today’s educational environment.

Once in a while, progress, whether natural or man-made, requires substantial, sometimes violent, upheaval. I believe we are long overdue for this kind of change in our educational systems. For those of you who feel that my thinking is naïve, uninformed or overly simple, I don’t propose that I have all the answers, but I can assure you that I have a few questions and concerns. I have seen enough to know that while our schools are wonderful overall, for the ADHD subset it leaves alot to be desired.

I want to start a serious dialogue on what a “dream” ADHD school would be like. Let’s start by breaking down and discarding all of our preconceived notions. Throw out what you imagine a classroom looks like – for that matter take down the walls! Drop your initial reactions to what the hours, curriculum, testing/grading systems, teachers, and discipline should be.

Let’s start from here and free-flow some thoughts:

- Would most of the average day be spent working in an open-air, covered outdoor pavilion?

- Would the students work at desks, lab tables or mostly standing at project tables allowing the kids to fidget in place a bit?

- Would one day a week be spent working on some charitable effort chosen by the students?

- Would one session a week be spent using distance learning? From home? Or taught by a teacher from across the globe?

- Since those with ADHD often respond better to positive reinforcement, what rewards and incentives would be used and how?

- How would goals and performance be set and measured? Would goals for the school year be worked out, for each individual student, between the teacher, parent and student? Would components of a child’s learning criteria be split between the teacher’s goals, the parents’ goals and the student’s goals?

- What kind of new curriculum might we see?:
Win/Win Negotiation? Sounds complicated for a child, but how much more could we all accomplish if the “childish” dealings with others we all occasionally have were already trained out by the age of 10?

Time Management/Organization/Planning? This is the bane of those with ADHD! Why not teach children to be more efficient and effective with their efforts? Say no to “Where is my homework/wallet/keys??”.

Life discipline? Part health, part philosophy – maybe the McDonald’s of this world won’t stand a chance against these kids. If the government would like to take some of the money they won’t need for public medical costs and support this particular program, I’m sure we could find a way to accommodate them.

Delegation? Knowing what we are not good at is just as important as knowing what we excel in. Being able to manage our weaknesses through delegation can be a huge help in avoiding problems in your career, when you are dealing with ADHD.

An Animal Care Program? A child knowing that they need to get in to school to take their turn feeding and walking one of the class pets could go a long way with anxiety issues, not to mention improvements in impulsivity control, empathy and responsibility.

- Would there be a lunch program? Food education and a gluten-free, dye-free diet, with "grazing" ( many small, healthy snacks/meals)throughout the day could provide for more stable moods and behaviors in school and at home.

- Would the school have ongoing therapy? In group, in private or both? Cognitive behavioral therapy, meditation and yoga could all be part of the mix.

- What would the guiding mission of this school be? John Glennon had commented on Part II of this series and he put out a thought that seemed incredibly obvious, but at the same time I had never considered this significant point:

"...it’s incredibly important to realize that we have no shared vision about the
reason we educate our children. I would say this is akin to Dewey’s Aims of
Education. We don’t know if we’re educating them to be good citizens, good
thinkers, good soldiers, or just preparing them to move into a vocation/business
of some sort once they’ve graduated. Without this shared vision, we have
wandered aimlessly which has culminated in a poor system."

As I had stated earlier, this is only meant to start the ball rolling. We have a shared responsibility here. So with that, I turn the podium over to you, the reader. Please take a minute to share your thoughts by using the "comment" section below. I would really like to get the take of some of the parents who are homeschooling their ADHD kids (thanks for the suggestion Jack Blackthorn), as well as adults with ADHD who have thoughts on their own school experiences.

A Vision for ADHD - Part II

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As an ADHD adult, once again I find that impulsivity is riding shotgun. I have thrown out the idea that our schools, for a significant portion of society are due for radical change. But to be honest, I have not come close to fully fleshing out what they should be. It would be presumptuous on my part, to assume that something so important should flow from the thoughts of just one individual. That being said, I feel it is important to keep filling in the pieces as to what such a school might be like and why it could work.

Many comments I have received have centered on whether or not this could work:

“Our schools can barely afford what they have now. How can they afford a series of special schools?”
“It sounds wonderful but this could never happen in my lifetime”
“Won’t this be a problem for acceptance at colleges or jobs?”

I want to take any preconceived notions we have about school and throw them out the window.

Money and Funding:
As a CPA and financial consultant, I am working with educational institutions big and small. I feel that many educators at the primary school level have followed the status quo in both their programs and their finances. Creative thinking could come up with alternatives for funding.

Is it possible to establish sponsorship programs that have no effect on the educational material itself? An arm’s length relationship with sponsors could easily be established.

Our universities have learned to use fundraising appeals to provide endowments that could fund a school for generations. I am not talking about selling wrapping paper and candy bars. Direct mail campaigns and professional solicitation of large corporate and individual grants or gifts can be very powerful.

Lastly, there has been a proliferation of reports of financial abuse in schools in the past few years. We hear that a school’s budget is cut to the bone. Shortly thereafter, we read in the paper that administrators had been expanding their personal lifestyle on the school’s dime. There was one report of a school that hired a law firm on retainer, then also hired several of the attorneys as employees, with full benefits. We are hearing more of these cases, not fewer.

I do not passively accept the premise that we can’t afford such a program. I would greater argue that we cannot afford to ignore the potential for contribution from some of our brightest students, because they are outside the bell curve.

Something from the Future:
We cannot leave such important things for others to address down the road. If not myself to spearhead such a movement, then who? I believe that you create change. You don’t stand at a bus stop waiting for it to arrive. To motivate yourself to change, you accept that the change is needed, that failure to change is harmful, and that no one will do it for you. I am there on all counts. This can happen in our lifetime and I am committed to seeing it through.

An Acceptance Problem for Colleges and Employers:
Sometimes change requires upheaval. If I am right on this concept, I believe that the students such a school would produce would become not only accepted, but highly desirable. In any institution, there are needs for different contributions. Colleges and universities seek diversity in their student bodies. The best businesses today are looking for those who think differently, as they understand that innovation comes from those who have imagination in their hearts.

I have received many words of enthusiastic support for the idea of an alternative to public education for the ADHD student. Although this is only one component in the vision I have for ADHD, it is certainly a critical piece. In the next post, we’ll start to set up a creative framework for alternative schools for ADHD students.

Stay tuned for A Vision for ADHD – Part III: A Design Framework (or lack thereof).

A Vision for ADHD

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I want to take ADHD to the world. Too often ADHD is met with a lack of understanding and a great deal of critical disbelief. Even those who care and have taken the time to become educated in this area often don't seem to fully understand.

We as a group need to get past the idea that "different" is bad. We have such great strengths and much of our recent historical progress could be attributed to those who think differently. We need to be one voice; proud of whom we are instead of always apologetic for not fitting in to "normal" expectations.

I would rather be part of the rare few than be just another sheep in the pasture. It is my personal mission to develop opportunities for excellence, on our own terms, for those with ADHD. Imagine a system of wide-spread support, education, public information, networking and empowerment.

What kind of success could we achieve for ourselves and for our society, if there were open-minded educational opportunities for the ADHD'rs of the world? What if 10% of our schools thought like the approximately 10% of the individuals did? If we had schools that focused their efforts on developing the creative strengths of the ADHD'rs while spending time training them to organize, plan and delegate efficiently, the possibilities would be limitless. Instead, our children are trained in an environment where the educators are trying to be "accommodating" to our "difficulties". What if schools were structured in a way that encouraged targeted thinking without the limits of a textbook or classroom plan that at times may be incorrect or, at best, stifling for the imagination? If properly established, the results could be so staggering, as to the member of society that it produces, that people would be clamoring to get their children labeled as ADHD, so they could participate in the "gifted" schools.

Our minds have their greatest capacity for learning in our earliest years. So why do we create the most indelible imprint on a child's understanding that they are anything less than the brightest sparks that they are? We are taking some of our greatest, brightest resources and crushing them before they have had a chance to truly share their gifts.

We have taken a backseat to the needs of those within the bell curve. Is this possibly efficient rather than effective? How often is popular opinion or popular choice downright wrong? Using the 80/20 Principle/Pareto's Principle, we could suggest that 10% (to 20% - work with me here) of our students will be producing 80% of society's results in the future. Are our schools sure they have picked the right 20% to design our schools around? What if they are wrong?

I believe that the world of ADHD needs new educational and supporting opportunities now and that a few can make the difference for many.

Stay tuned my friends. I am not even close to finished.

ADHD Accommodations and Support

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Recently, someone had asked me what my view was on the following, in regards to ADHD:

- What should a person with ADHD reasonably expect from society in terms of accommodations and support?

- To what extent should society make accommodations or allowances for ADHD disabilities?

- How hard should a person work to make their ADHD behavior/performance conform to that of people without disabilities?

My deepest belief is that we cannot rely on the government to take care of every individual in every circumstance. Unfortunately, we live outside the bell curve when it comes to "normal" needs. Therefore, I think we have to strive to do more with less. Condoleezza Rice was taught by her father early on that, as a black person years ago, she would have to work twice as hard to be considered half as good. She clearly has risen to the challenge. Sometimes adversity makes us stronger.

That being said, where accommodations exist, a person with ADHD should seek to use those accommodations. Why would we take a bright child, who has difficulty staying focused during a test and punish them, providing them a damaging label of a failing grade, and hurt their self-esteem? There are those who would see extra benefits of additional testing time, as an example, to be an unfair advantage. As a society, do we not have an obligation to reach the greatest potential of each of our citizens, even if they think differently? This seems to benefit the society as a whole if we can help all to hit their potential.

The person who has ADHD equally has an obligation to society, as well as themselves. We should always strive, in our lives, to self-improve and grow. We are equally responsible for our own success. This means that we should come to understand our differences - strengths and weaknesses alike. The more we can reduce our negatives and strengthen our positives, the more we are improving the overall society.

Conforming is not always the answer. In general, the best situation for a person's mental health and well-being is one in which we have built a life around our strengths. If you are a scatter-brained artistic type, then build a life celebrating your creative ability and have someone else manage the mundane details that drag you down. I wouldn't suggest that someone force themselves to conform to an environment that does not bring out the best in them.

Remind yourself that the only one who can change you or your life is you. No one will do it for you. Find your balance, seek self-improvement and then celebrate your ADHD!

You are the Cornerstone of Tomorrow

The ADHD Hunter needs your help! Those who have been following since the beginning know, that as someone with ADHD, I can't sit still very long.

My intentions are to grow this site into something much bigger and better, in the coming months. I cannot give out too many details just yet, but I expect that this site will become your favorite destination for addressing ADHD issues.

I know that many of you have experienced some great value to date. Please return the favor:

Click Here to take a brief, 6 question survey.

Your answers will become the cornerstone to something pretty big and exciting, specifically for the ADHD community.

Thank you all for your support and encouragement and thank you for your help in this survey.

- Chris

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A Hunter Walks in the Woods

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I am sure many of you have heard of studies indicating that time spent outdoors in a green environment can substantially reduce symptoms of ADHD. The various studies indicate that being outdoors alone doesn't have the same impact and also that just being in green surroundings indoors doesn't appear to have any affect.

Few of the studies seem to address why an improvement is seen. Logic would tell us that we are burning off energy playing in open spaces, instead of sitting in front of a TV or computer. Maybe, but I believe there is something more to it. I believe that the reduction of our ADHD symptoms is the result of what we see.

Some of the theories on ADHD point to a need for stimulation. That is why the Hunter-type tends to look for excitement. We tend to live our lives a little more recklessly than the Farmers. We need stimulation to allow our minds to focus. Sitting still and doing routine tasks can be torturous. Many of us take stimulants that would have others a shaking, nervous reck, but are calming to us.

I believe the keen eye of an individual with ADHD views something like the woods a little differently. While the Farmer would see trees, bushes, a path and a brook, the Hunter sees an entire world. The branches overhead form an intricate nebula, tracing interconnected paths across the sky. The millions of leaves shimmer in endless shades of greens, yellows, reds and oranges. The path at your feet undulates randomly, reacting only to wind, rain, time and the steps of those before you. The brook sparkles, dances and gurgles, coming from some unknown source and dissappearing on its way around the bend. This explosion of stimulation asks nothing of us except that we absorb its sights and sounds. We won't be tested. There is no deadline for viewing it. There are no consequences for missing a detail. Endlessly stimulating, yet without pressure or judgement.

Since I was a young child, I have found my sanctuary in the woods. When I was having difficult times in my teens, a walk in the woods could put anything in perspective. Now, I spend a great deal of time at a desk, sitting in urban traffic, stuck on delayed flights. I live in a rather developed urban/suburban area. Those walks in the woods are more valuable than ever. Their restorative effects are quite reliable.

Now, with my two pre-teen Hunters, they too are learning that a walk in the woods is part of a healthier, happier life in living with ADHD.

Inappropriate vs. Inconvenient

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I'm teleporting back in my life - let's say about 35 years. I'm on the street where I live in a Long Island suburb. There are about 15 of us - kids of all ages. What do we have in common? We all have guns!

Plastic pistols and machine guns that go clack-clack-clack. Many forced us to yell "BANG!" or (insert your favorite childhood fake gun sound here). Some were made of conveniently shaped sticks when there were more kids than guns. We'd hide in bushes waiting for the "bad guys" to come. Shouts of "I got you!" and "No way - you totally missed me!" could be heard for hours.

Those were some great afternoons.

For thousands of years, societies have looked proudly to the stories of their war heroes. Those heroes were revered for their selfless sacrifice, courage, valour, fortitude and bravery. Even today, our government runs commercials daily that show young people and children how "great" a life in the military is. The commercials range from the Seal team creeping out of the water in the dark of night, leaving no trace of footsteps after the next wave hits the shore or giving humanitarian aid to some village in need. It makes quite an impression on a young child. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were cool, but this? This is real!

It is no wonder that a young boy has a fascination with "army stuff". Guns, soldiers, cool uniforms, attack vehicles - the list goes on and on. Factor in the most popular video game titles? Halo, Call of Duty, World of Warcraft (10 million paid subscribers paying $180 each year). You might say there's a little interest here.

Now let's focus a bit on the current day. When I say current day, let's say post-Columbine - that horrible day of April 20, 1999. Two students at Columbine High School went on a rampage, killing 12, wounding 23, then commiting suicide - all with guns. To say it changed a nation is an understatement. After an event like that, inquisitions begin. Naturally, those close looks eventually become blame-fests. What the school admistrators did wrong. What the police did wrong. What parents and students did wrong. How did we ignore the signs?

Self-examination is important after such an event. History repeats itself and we should learn from our mistakes. There are other factors here as well: preventative lawyering and risk reduction. We live in a litigious society. We are threatened every day by lawsuits that are sometimes valid and sometimes frivilous and parasitic. In reaction to these threats, schools have taken a "zero-tolerance" approach to anything having to do with guns in a school environment.



When a young boy draws a catalog of his imagined army, this is deemed as inappropriate in today's zero-tolerance schools. Inappropriate and in need of punishment. "Off to the school psychologist! We're very concerned" Very concerned??

Let's put this in perspective. A child draws pictures of the thing that has been programmed into a society for generations. Due to a school district's fears of a lawsuit down the road, the child is sacrificed. This places very conflicting standards on the child. Returning war veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan = Good; Drawing a picture of them = Bad. What are we teaching our kids? This is a very black and white solution to a world with many shades of gray. How many systems and infrastructures must we destroy with knee-jerk, reactionary policies?

Was the picture "inappropriate" or was it "inconvenient" to the schools risk-reduction program, instituted by a lawyer who has no interest in the right of expression of a child?

By the way - last I checked, none of my childhood freinds had gone on a gun-toting rampage in their later years.

Coexisting Conditions of ADHD

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Often, an individual who is negotiating with ADHD in their life will also experience other coexisting conditions, or comorbidity. The rate of occurence for various other conditions can be surprisingly high and can make diagnosis and treatment more difficult. It is believed that as many as two thirds of children with ADHD have at least one other coexisting condition.

In an effort to inform parents, educators and others involved in maintaining the well-being of children in their care, we will give a very brief overview of some common coexisting conditions of ADHD.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder:
It is estimated that up to 40% of individuals who have ADHD also present symptoms of Oppositional Defiant Disorder. This can take form in resisting/resenting authority figures, being argumentative and deliberately annoying others, as some examples.

Conduct Disorder:
Conduct Disorder is found to coexist in 25% of children, 45-50% of adolescents and 20-25% of adults. Some presentations of Conduct Disorder are aggression towards people or animals, property destruction, stealing from others and running away from home. If ignored, this can often result in legal difficulties down the road.

Anxiety Disorders:
As much as 30% of children who are dealing with ADHD are also experiencing Anxiety Disorders. Frequency in adults is less clear with estimates ranging from 25% to 40%. Children with Anxiety Disorders have extreme feelings of fear, worry or panic that make it extremely difficult to function. These disorders can produce very real physical symptoms such as racing heart/pulse, sweating, diarrhea and nausea.

Mood Disorders:
This effects about 18% of children with ADHD. Often, there is evidence of a family history of these conditions. Frequently crying, with no apparent reason, or becoming easily irritated with others are some likely clues.

Depression:
Varying estimates, between 10 and 30%, have been made as to the number of children with ADHD who also are showing signs of depression. In adults with ADHD, it seems to worsen, with estimates of about 47% presenting. Repeated negative social experiences can significantly damage self-esteem, leaving the child, or adult, discouraged and in despair.

Tics or Tourette Syndrome:
Less than 10% of those with ADHD also present signs of Tics or Tourette Syndrome. Conversely, approximately 60% of those with Tourette Syndrome also have ADHD.

Learning Disabilities:
Learning disabilities are conditions that make it difficult for a child to master skills such as math or reading. Although ADHD is not a learning disability, it can make it hard for a child to thrive in school. Up to 50% of children with ADHD also have some form of learning disorder.

As I am not even remotely close to being a doctor, I will leave the reccomended treatments and therapies to brighter minds. Instead, the intention here is to raise awareness that these coexisting conditions not only exist, but occur quite frequently. If we are watchful, maybe someone we are close to or working with might benefit by our ability to see the signs as a need for additional help.

ADHD & Taxes

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Here it is again - 10 days left until April 15th. U.S. federal, state and local taxes will be due. And once again, my ADHD procrastination circuits are rocking!

I am fortunate that I have a couple of unexpectedly free days to do the work. It won’t matter. I will lock down my free time approaching April 15th as “committed” to preparing my taxes. I will stress over the work. And then, I will do anything but the taxes.

It’s amazing how happy I can be at these times discovering loose handles around the house that need tightening. The garage will implore me to come and pick up a broom, after ignoring it the rest of the year. What better time to empty and re-fill the hot tub or wash the cars. Anything but the taxes.

I’m running out of free days. I will eventually launch into high-speed, around the clock sessions to complete the work. The kids will know better than to go near Dad in the office. I’ll use words that will probably deserve a little soap. It won’t be pretty.

I’m going to keep this post brief - I have to get to my taxes….. (wow - I just noticed how badly my desk drawer needs organizing!)

We've Moved!

As further evidence of my ADHD mind, I present to you the following:

I have decided that after three weeks of learning about blogging, how to use and fine-tune Blogger and developing a writing flow, the next step was obvious! Time to start over!

I have made the switch to Wordpress. A number of nagging issues came to a head when one Twitter friend was having difficulty subscribing to the feed. I will continue to update both sites for the next few weeks, then I will discontinue the updating of Blogger.

In business, as well as in life, you have to believe in what you are doing. Staying on a particular course, because it is easier than correcting, is a sure path to mediocrity.

There will be some minor changes in the coming days. My intention is to keep it simple, clean and focused on the content.

Please update your bookmarks, links, subscriptions, etc. to Hunter in a Farmer's World here.

Thanks for all of the encouraging support!

There's No Checkbox For My ADHD Child

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What do you do when your ADHD child does not fit into someone's checklist?

We just had a meeting with our school district's Special Education committee. We had requested an evaluation for our son for an IEP, or Individualized Education Plan, due to his ADHD and Asperger's. As described in earlier posts, his ADHD and Asperger's have been interfering with his focus in school and hurting his relationships with peers and teachers alike.

PJ was put through a series of psychological and intelligence tests. His standardized results came back as someone with superior to very superior abilities, often ranking in the 98 and 99 percentiles. His ability to respond to instructions was relatively low. Put in terms of PJ's experience, he has some tremendous potential, yet he has had substantially lagging grades.

Remembering homework and bringing home books has been challenging to say the least. One of the benefits we were hoping to get for PJ was some additional monitoring or oversight in regard to these assignments.

At the IEP meeting, there were many present, including the school's principal and psychologist, PJ's main teacher, PJ's psychiatrist, individuals responsible for the testing, a chairperson from the school district, Dawn and myself. All participants seemed concerned for PJ. His attendance in school was getting worse and worse. Indications of depression were beginning to show.

When all the discussions and empathetic looks were over, it came down to this: "His support systems are great!", "He seems to be doing well!", "We should continue to monitor him"(insert look of concern here). To really make the committee's difficulty clear, we have "I don't even have a checkbox we could use for him in my state forms". Lastly we are given "You can always request this meeting again" (insert hopeful smile here). Wow. How is it that I was not overly surprised?

As the appointed day for the meeting was approaching, I had come to the recognition that we were somewhat on our own. There is no government sponsored public education system that was going to hold our hand and steer us towards the best possible situation for PJ. They are tuned into education for those within the bell curve - the "normals". I don't mean to imply that they don't try or that they don't care. They clearly do care and are working with what they have internally and externally. But in PJ's case, it's not enough.

As in many walks of life, you are your own best advocate. Don't wait for your child's educators to pat you on the fanny and send you off with a "success guarantee" tucked neatly in your pocket. We have found that our greatest tools are thinking outside the box and taking direct responsibility for the results.

Don't be locked down to conventional thinking for your child. Instead of trying to force your "round peg" child into a "square hole" world, look for and enhance their strengths.

PJ loves drawing, computer generated art and Flash animation. By 10 years old he had taught himself to design animated cartoons using Flash. He was also posting those animations online and getting great feedback from adult artists. When PJ says he wants to be a graphic artist or game designer, we don't ignore him. We look for ways to encourage him in his endeavors. What better way to find success than doing what you truly love.

Find what puts your ADHD child in "the zone". Give them the opportunities to find their life's vocation even if it's not what you would consider a traditional path for them.

To paraphrase a favorite movie, "We don't need no stinkin' checkboxes!"

- Peace

"Bloopy" Feelings

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My daughter, Kim (9), is generally loving, happy, social and very active. As described in earlier posts, her ADHD presents itself in her talkativeness and her inability to stand still. She has been taking medication for her ADHD for a couple of years now.

Very often, especially in the evenings, she can break down into tears with little cause and little understanding. At bed time, she can have a bad case of "the blues", feeling choked up and sad without a clear reason why. We are not sure if these moments are early indications of depression, which have a high rate of coexistence or "comorbidty" with ADHD. Dawn, Kim's Mom, has been dealing with depression over the years. Alternatively, she may just be "crashing" as the effects of her ADHD medication(stimulants) wear off.

Lately she has put a label to these feelings - "Bloopy". My wife, Dawn, and Kim are putting together a children's book, where Kim can express how she feels, in a comfortable and creative environment. We will continue to encourage her to express herself through the book. If and when she completes it I will talk to Kim about sharing it here. Maybe another child is feeling bloopy and would be reassured knowing that he or she is not alone.

Until then...
- Peace

Name Changes

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Just a quick note to the readers of this blog. I am sorry to change gears a little here. The kids names have been changed to ficticious ones.

I had weighed using alternative names since the beginning. Not using any names seemed unnatural. I was tripping over the idea of using "fake" names. I felt that using their real names was closest to my heart and knew that eventually I would have to discuss this with the kids.

The school's psychologist, "Dr. P.", had independently found the blog within the three weeks since its inception. He expressed concerns for the well-being of the kids, should their peers find the blog and recognize the kids.

Therefore, in order to protect the kids, we are using alternative names. All previous posts have been changed. My apologies for the confusion. Please welcome "Kim" and "PJ".

Thanks so much for all the wonderful feedback you have been sending my way!

The Power of Choice

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We have changed direction a little lately. As mentioned in earlier posts, our son was having increasing difficulties with school. His ADHD was getting the best of him. PJ was reaching his limits with how many reprimands he could face each week. His spirit was at an all-time low.

Strict discipline was not working. It only seemed to shut down communication and showed itself as anger from all involved. After one particularly horrible night, I decided that the circus was over. We tried being more supportive, loving and encouraging. No more tug-of-wars over going to school each morning. We explained why it was important, offered rewards for going and explained restrictions if he didn’t.

In recent meetings with his school’s principal, vice-principal, psychologist and several of PJ’s teachers, I challenged them all to reach beyond their understanding of ADHD. We asked that they help PJ, through encouragement and support, rather than constant reprimands for his impulsivity. The principal made it clear that they were being understanding and that PJ had gotten off easy for his behaviors. For the second time, we suggested that maybe dealing with this was beyond reasonable expectations for the school and its staff. They insisted that they wanted PJ in the school and felt they could be of help.

In the following weeks, things got worse. PJ’s breaking point came when he told us through tears, that he just wants to be normal and that normal kids don’t get “written up” 5 times in one week. We assured PJ that he didn’t have to worry about Dawn and me getting upset over the school issues. We told him that he deserves to be happy and that he doesn’t have to worry about breaking the bad news of the day to us on top of everything else. We stopped pressuring him to go to school if he was having an anxiety moment getting ready in the morning. The school was clearly not helping.

Dawn was concerned. “He has to get to school! He’ll get left back!” I assured Dawn that right now, school was the least of our worries. PJ’s self-esteem and confidence were gone. He was in a depression-like state. There was more at risk for his mental health than was at risk for his academics.

Yesterday morning, PJ announced that he wasn’t going back to school. Considering what he had been going through, I could not blame him. I told him that it’s his choice and that was fine. (I know what you’re thinking – “who in their right mind would allow their 11 year old decide he wasn’t going to school?”. It needed to be done – read on!)

I continued to explain that it might be best for him to tough it out for the remaining three months of school. Then, PJ would be in a new school, entering 7th grade. I told him although it was OK that he did not want to go back, we would have to work out some other school or program, as he was legally required to stay in some form of education. I also warned him that, due to his numerous absences and time that would be lost transitioning into another school, he would likely have to repeat the 6th grade. I left the decision up to him. His choice. No tug-of-war. You can’t have a tug-of-war if no one is pulling on the other end.

PJ decided that he did not want to have to repeat the year. He chose to go back to school. This morning, I asked again what he decided and if he was sure. He confirmed that he wanted to go to school. Dawn called a little while ago – he went right in with no problems.

The power of choice can be an amazing thing. No one likes to have things forced upon them. We all like to feel that we are having some control over where we are going and what we do. I realize that this is not the end – just a great day.

- Peace

Teaching Your Child to Develop a Plan

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We’ve all heard the adage – “If we fail to plan, we plan to fail”. For a child with ADHD, who is living in the moment, this warning is especially true.

One of the negative aspects of ADHD is our distorted perception of time. The bad times seem to last a lifetime, while the good times seem to disappear in the blink of an eye. We have our moments of intense focus on some narrow topic or issue and then we have moments where days, weeks, and months disappear in everyday distractions.

Almost any survey looking for the common behaviors of successful individuals or organizations seems to touch on the effect that planning can have on meeting our short and long term goals. Almost invariably having a clear plan or vision is a key starting point in successful endeavors.

That’s great – but what does that really mean? I have had opportunities, in working with our kids on elaborate projects, to see just how effective a plan can be with someone overwhelmed by their ADHD tendencies. These are strategies developed through business experiences that warranted detailed planning to ensure that goals were met on time and important details were not lost along the way. The concepts were powerful, but still very simple. Teaching my kids to use these techniques can take “I quit!” projects to “I’m done a week early!” very easily.

Clear the decks! The first step involves no attempts to make progress on the project itself. Take that pressure off yourself or your child. Instead, we will just brainstorm.

Get out some pads, a clean calendar and any materials that may help us understand what the project is, such as an assignment sheet. Break the overall project into the mini-steps involved:

· Select topic
· Do background research
· Go to library/internet for detailed research
· Prep Item #1
· Prep Item #2
· Prep Item #3
· Typing
· Artwork
· Bibliography
· Table of contents
· Covers
· Final assembly

Obviously, the above list is just one example of possible subtopics. It should be broken down into steps that would take less than an hour to complete or could be completed in one or two sittings.

Now, using the list above, estimate how long each step should take. BE GENEROUS with the allotted time. It is much more encouraging to complete steps within the planned time, rather than for your child to feel a tsunami building behind them as they are losing time each day.

Using the calendar, drop notes into the available days, showing what can be completed each day, allowing for other homework, after-school activities and leaving an occasional day open. Ideally, you would have plenty of extra days before the project’s due date. It is important for the child to understand that if needed, some of those free and extra days may be needed if we fall behind or if surprises arise. Monitor the schedule throughout the project to determine if adjustments need to be made.

This method is simple, yet can be a great tool even as he or she enters into their post-school years and is working. I have used this method to plan anything from a school project, planning a complicated Thanksgiving meal to staff scheduling for a multi-million dollar accounting practice.

Teach your child that with a plan, the most daunting tasks can be overcome. Hopefully, they will make the leap to planning a very successful life.

Adult ADHD on the Job

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Adults dealing with ADHD have their challenges. Many of the basic skills that are needed to maintain a stable and secure life can be evasive for the adult with ADHD. Long-term relationships can be difficult to keep going. Controlling our impulsivity, so as not to be always living in the moment, can take a concerted effort. This effects everything from saving for rainy days to staying on top of mundane home routines. One of the greatest impacts of adult ADHD is often on work.

When we walk out the door for work each morning, tiptoeing behind us, in our shadows, is that pesky ADHD. Often that walk out the door is 10-15 minutes behind schedule, since we couldn't find our keys, wallets and pocketbooks right away. Next, when we are about a mile away from the house, we realize we forgot something - back to the house. Now, finally, we are at the office. Some mornings it is straight into ultra-performance. Often, we are losing time with various distractions. Intending to work right away on that client project, all too often several hours pass - Coffee? check!, E-mail? check!, Weather report for the weekend? check!, Quick call home to check in? check! - before we realize it's almost noon.

Very often, I find I can lose days with distractions (Twitter much?) then when faced with a near-impossible approaching deadline, work with super intense focus for back to back 20 hour days, to just wrap up in time. Am I bragging? No. I wouldn't recommend this approach to anyone. It is stressful, doesn't leave much of a margin for error and doesn't always create the best result.

To help with adult ADHD, adapt your work routine and environment to what works best for you. Personally, I know that my thoughts are razor sharp at 2, 3 or 4 AM - ideas and important memories come to me in a rapid, but controlled flood. By 8 PM I am mentally like mush, in that I process slower and am more easily distracted away from my work. The lesson for me is sleeping 2-3 hours and then starting work very early is more productive and comfortable for me, when dealing with extra time that is needed.

If I am conscious of not being able to focus on my work, music, particularly Mozart, can add a rhythm to my thoughts that keep me on track. What was next to impossible a minute earlier can be turned on like a light switch with music. This works for kids too. My daughter (9) and son (11) are very quick to put on music - yes, even classical - to help keep their focus.

These routines work for me, but we are all different. Try different routines if you can. You won't shut down your adult ADHD, but by experimenting with different environments, you can minimize the negative aspects and work in your "zone" using that wonderful ADHD intelligence and creative resourcefulness you have!

- Peace

A Breakthrough!

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As PJ has been having difficulties with anxiety leaving for school in the morning and has expressed more of a reluctance to socialize with kids his age, we decided that a new approach was needed. My wife Dawn had arranged an interview for PJ with the director of a summer camp that specializes in helping kids with social difficulties related to ADHD, Asperger's and LD's. That was the easy step. Now, how do we get PJ to go? It meant a couple of anxiety nurturing hours of travel to meet the director. Additionally, PJ had been stubbornly resistant to working with a counselor or therapist, other than his psychiatrist who he sees regularly for his meds. I was sure he would not get in the car with Dawn, or worse yet, he would take off from her once outside the director's apartment in Manhattan.

I had spoken with PJ in the days before. We discussed how he wasn't exactly happy and that this was a chance to meet someone who might be able to help him in dealing with ADHD and the other resulting conditions. I appealed to him that the only challenge was meeting someone, putting his hand out and saying "Hello, I'm PJ- nice to meet you." There was no discussion yet that this was about a possible 6 weeks away from home.

I was surprised! He was receptive and said that he would do it. Promises of a stop at Nintendo World didn't hurt. But I knew he wasn't in the car yet. Sure enough, the night before he said he changed his mind - he did not want to go.

I explained to PJ that he had agreed and we had committed to meeting this person, tying up the director's weekend. After much back and forth, PJ relented. Again, I knew this was not a done deal yet.

The next day, I was at work and expecting the phone call to come. I called Dawn many times that day. "Is he getting ready?" "Is he still on board?" "You're on the train?" So far so good. To my surprise, the appointed time came. It was 10 minutes past the appointment time and no phone call! Could this be it or has she been chasing him around NYC for the past 15 minutes?

An hour later I checked in. He did it! The appointment went well. PJ was polite and spoke openly with the director. He had finally made a concerted effort to reach out and be receptive to some possible help. This was big!

As it turned out, the director felt that the camp was not as well suited to PJ's needs as we had hoped. He recommended another camp that he felt would be helpful.

That's OK. This was a very successful day!

An Impulsively Passionate Life with ADHD

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So far, my posts are showing a very dark side to ADHD. Time for a bit of a lift!

The ADHD/Hunter type of person can also be a bit of fun. Impulsivity used properly can add quite a bit of spice to life. Just a few examples:

There was the time my wife, our two young kids and I walked into a store for winter gloves for the kids and left with rental skis and plans for a weekend trip to go skiing the next day. This was the kids’ first time on the slopes and my first time in close to 20 years. What a ball! None of us will forget that trip. Thank you ADHD!

How about the time that I came to realize that I missed the feeling of being at the beach? I grew up on the south shore of Long Island. We spent a ton of time on the water and at the beautiful beaches. But now, the demands of life made it that I only would see the beach for five minutes every other winter. ADHD to the rescue! Off to the surf shop! Surfboards and wetsuits for all! We started our routine of watching the sunrise over a cup of coffee at 5 or 6 AM on the beach and playing in the surf. Home by 9AM – energized and ready for a productive day.

I was at a fundraiser dinner. They had a “silent” auction. You walk around and look at the auction items and write down your bid on a list. Throughout the night you can check the bids and can outbid the last. I overheard a family member saying how she would love to win the auction for a house on Fire Island for a week. ADHD handed me my cape and – Presto! – I outbid everyone on the house. I really couldn’t afford it, but it was fun and exciting. It became the adventure of a lifetime. We ended up with over 20 family members for the weekend in the house to celebrate my father’s birthday. Since there are no cars on Fire Island, getting supplies for 20 for the weekend meant having to shuttle everything by boat and little red wagons.

ADHD can help create some very exciting moments. Impulsivity can be the spark that makes for choosing the path less traveled. Kept under control, the impulsivity of ADHD can help you live a passionate life.

Celebrate your ADHD!

Dad Goes Under the Bus

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"You can't expose your kids to analysis in a public forum, while you hide behind a keyboard." This thought has been creeping up on me the past few days. I expect this will be uncomfortable and at the same time cathartic.

So into the barrel I go …

In my early days, I was that kid that was always being told how bright I was. From the age of 5 or 6, people expected that I was going places! Big things were in my future! By the 6^th grade, things were starting to slip. Come Junior High School, grades were dropping here and there. In High School, my grades were in freefall. Attendance was becoming spotty. The straight A student was now failing in classes, spending his time "hanging-out" and in detention, once found.

"You really should apply yourself." "You're just being lazy." "You need to try harder." Words. Words from well-meaning people. Words from teachers and school officials. Words from loving family. Just words. We did not know then, but these words to someone dealing with ADHD were the equivalent of telling a deaf person that he/she is not listening. It's like telling someone with clinical depression to be happy. Although well-meaning, I had no idea what to do with these labels and suggestions. Two failed attempts at college created more labels: "textbook, classic, underachiever". After a time, we tend to wear the cloaks we are given.

I spent those teen and young adult years self-medicating. I was involved in too many accidents involving "spirited" driving. It got to the point where I wouldn't leave the house in the morning until I spent a few minutes enjoying the "high" life. Wasted time and money. Reckless behavior. After many years of this I decided that I had too many lost experiences like not noticing a 50 foot Godzilla on the concert stage. Too many lost licenses. Having to pay court and legal fees and then paying someone to drive you around all day for your job.

I hit bottom.

It was the late 80's and early 90's. I had recently gotten back together with and married my first real girlfriend from High School. The economy was week and was effecting the company I worked for. I decided that there wouldn't be a better time to quit my job as a project manager for a home remodeler and go back to school. This time around it was different.

School went well. I was heading towards an accounting degree. I began an internship with a firm while attending school. Now I was hitting my stride. I worked 35 hours a week while taking 18 credits. I filled every slot for summer classes and winter session classes. Going on 2 hours of sleep a night, I completed college, receiving awards for merit. Shortly after, I passed what is considered to be the second most difficult exam in the U.S... I am currently working close to 120 hours a week as a financial consultant, serving clients around the world.

Lazy. Underachiever. Maybe not.

This doesn't mean that I've beaten ADHD or outgrew ADHD. I still trip over it regularly. ADHD still hurts relationships with others. Very often, something as simple as a relatively easy phone call, or letter, or required document will become insurmountable. Easy, yet impossible. Chris – 0, Procrastination – 100. My impulsivity can take over at times. I could walk into a conversation telling myself, "do not talk about Topic A!", only to find myself driving right into it. I have offended people with statements I have made, while intending no offense whatsoever. This includes loved ones, co-workers and clients. Not good. Impulsive buying – that one's too frightening too even go into – I'll have to build up to that one some other time.

On the upside, I know that ADHD also provides some very positive qualities. I am intelligent, creative/artistic, loving, generous and intuitive. Life with ADHD is challenging, but in my heart I think the good outweighs the bad – as long as you can overcome the bad.

Peace

Many Shades of Gray

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Kim's ADHD is different than PJ's. As is the case with many girls, she presents her ADHD in excessive talking, constant movement to burn off her energy and difficulty in focusing.

With PJ, his ADHD presents itself most often with impulsivity and inappropriate behavior. As these kinds of behaviors tend to be more common with boys who have ADHD, they find themselves in trouble more. This, in part, explains why more boys were diagnosed with ADHD in the past. The girls flew under the radar and often went undiagnosed.

PJ’s focus component is hard to determine at times. PJ could be thoroughly engrossed in detailed drawing while his mother would read a book to him – something complex, like “Harry Potter”. It would frustrate her to feel that she was reading to him and he wasn’t even listening. Yet when she would check if he was getting the details, he never missed a point, a relationship or the finest details.

Hmm – I recall doodling my way all through high school – maybe a little needed extra stimulus to allow us to sit quietly and focus? (Note to Teachers: Maybe doodling is not the worst thing for your ADHD student to be doing, if it helps them. Some of PJ's teachers have gotten that and lived to tell!)

There are other moments when PJ would look you straight in the eye: “Yes please! I would like a bagel for breakfast!” – only to be heartbroken when you actually placed it in front of him. He talked the talk, but never heard a word.

Everyone is different. Things like ADD/ADHD, Autism and Asperger's Syndrome all come in many shades of gray. We have to be careful to treat the various presentations of these conditions individually, instead of pigeon-holing a person based on their label. Kim's needs and PJ's needs are drastically different and although difficult, we must address them differently.

The Unfair (Dis)Advantage

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Time to meet my daughter!

Kim has grown up trailing her brother, PJ, by about two and a half years. The kids have the typical first child/youngest child issues: "Why does he get to stay up 15 minutes more?", "She gets away with everything!".

With some of the challenges ADHD presents, it takes some additional turns. As described in recent posts, PJ has had difficulty facing his school day. Kim has had to watch her brother be the center of attention in our efforts to get him to school. It makes no sense to her that her brother should receive rewards for just going to school, when she does it every day. Why should PJ be praised for clearing his plate and glass, when she cleared half the table and started the dishwasher? We want PJ to feel the positive reinforcement, but it does not always make sense to Kim.

Where PJ has become more withdrawn, Kim is a social butterfly. She is always playing a couple of sports at a time. Participate enough and you’ll win a couple. She has received awards for poster contests, soccer, basketball and karate. We are always conscious of the effect on PJ when Kim has another award ceremony and we are showering her with congratulations. It’s not fair to tone down her praise at those moments for PJ’s sake. At the same time, Kim is less and less interested in joining in those celebrations and you can see the resentment festering. PJ too has seen his trophies for soccer and karate, but in PJ’s eyes, they are from a lifetime away and ended disappointingly.

It is not easy raising two ADHD kids. At times the inequities between them seem huge. Deep down they love each other and try to comfort each other when needed. Hopefully, the love and support they share will grow faster than any resentment they hold.

- Peace

Hunter in a Farmer's World

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So far I've given you a sense as to what a typical day can be like in our home. Today I'd like to explain why this blog is titled "Hunter in a Farmer's World".

Let me start off by saying that I am sure I will not do this true justice and the person who had coined the phrase is Thom Hartmann. This blog's header has a link to a page in Thom's site. I highly encourage anyone dealing with ADHD or interested in the topic to read his book, Thom Hartmann’s Complete Guide to ADHD. I have not met Thom. I receive no personal financial benefit from recommending Thom, his website or his books.

I have ADHD, as do my son (11) and daughter (9). I have done a tremendous amount of reading on the topic to understand the obstacles that I have faced all my life and that my children are haunted by today. Thom's description of ADHD is presented as a hunter living in a farmer's world.

About 7,000 to 10,000 years ago, cultures began their transition from Hunters/Gatherers to Farmers. They recognized the efficiency of producing their food rather than searching for it. At the time, the Hunter would need to chase down its food. If the Hunter's keen eye saw a squirrel, it was time to drop everything and launch into the hunt. While chasing the squirrel, if a boar presented itself, the Hunter would have to quickly change gears, leaving the squirrel and pursuing the boar. Oh look! A deer! and so on.

The ability to quickly abandon one thought and change direction into another was rewarded with better food and longer, healthier life. After the kill, all work would stop while the Hunter enjoyed their rewards, eating and resting. At some point, most likely days later, it would be time for the next hunt.

Now contrast that with the Farmer. The Farmer's routine was one of methodical, daily, patient work towards a distant goal of the harvest. The Farmer who had the mental aptitude of doing the same routine task, day in and day out, good weather or bad, was the one who thrived. Patient, repetitive tasks of nurturing crops assured the best harvest and the healthiest Farmer. The Farmer would not be distracted by the activity around him. He had work to do and would be rewarded by his narrow focus.

Enter the time machine - move forward to the year 2000 A.D. The bulk of our society is found working in an environment of daily constrained thought and processes. The ability to focus on moving that stack of paper from one bin to another is often regarded as the "hard worker". This kind of work is the equivalent of torture to the ADHD individual. School's that expect children to sit quietly and plod through hours of routine work are not the place where an ADHD child can thrive.

Commonly, someone with ADHD is intelligent, loving, resourceful and artistic. Estimates are that approximately 1-in-10 has ADHD. We may not fit the typical perception of how children and adults should operate. Thankfully, many of today's best companies recognize that creative employees who are given much latitude in the work environment can make for tremendous assets in their teams. Opportunities to free-form ideas and to work in non-traditional environments are exploding with positive results. One such example can be found in an article by Fortune on Zappos.com ( http://money.cnn.com/2009/01/15/news/companies/Zappos_best_companies_obrien.fortune/index.htm ).

Once again I would like to acknowledge Thom Hartmann for painting ADHD in a way that is clear and closely resembles the reality faced from within.

Where did everyone go?

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When we first determined that our son had ADHD, we took an aggressive approach to the situation - denial wasn't our style. We sought the best medical advice we could get. We immersed ourselves in every book, magazine and web site having anything to do with ADHD and ADD.

Almost everyone has heard the debate on whether or not to use medication. Our doctor had advised that any side effects of the medication, such as weight loss, would be far outweighed by one critical concern. The doctor expressed concern that our sons impulsive behaviour would not only get him in trouble with his school teachers and administrators, but would also have the potential for him to be ostracized by his peers/friends.

We went the medication route and over time found the right meds, dosage and timing for our son. Having ADHD myself, I have taken medication also and can state, without hesitation, that my thoughts and actions are clearer, calmer, less distracted and less impulsive.

We have had times where our son has had to go without his meds. At those times, invariably, a new person comes out: completely out of control with bizarre interactions with others. At the end of those days, my son is generally remorseful and cannot wait to have his medication the next day.

Even with the benefit of the medication, school and relationships with friends have suffered.

Although school administrators have expressed patience and an understanding with the situation, that does not always make it all the way to the teaching staff. Teachers see an extremely bright boy who can behave at times and therefore see our son as choosing to behave or not. Reporting that the child is impulsive or ill-behaved is the equivalent of saying "the blind boy still refuses to see".

Close friendships never seem to last more than a couple of years. Our son's sense of humor is intelligent and above his age-level. Teachers and counselor's see some very clever attempts at humor that other kids see as just "weird".

It is a beautiful day today on Long Island - a nice warm break from a bitter winter. Other kids are running around outside in shorts and T-shirts. My son is sitting in front of the computer. His play is "safe" there. He won't offend anyone. No one will reprimand him for his impulsivity. It seems that it gets harder and harder for him to risk reaching out to others.

We still press on looking for opportunities for him to have positive social experiences. ADHD runs in cycles - good times of the day and bad; good days/months/years and bad. Better days will come again.

Lesson Learned

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I am currently traveling in the Midwest for a little more than a week. I checked in at home this morning to find that my son would not go to school today. He was "tired".

To bring you up to speed quickly, my son is a gifted 6th grader, with ADHD. He has been struggling with mornings of anxiety, which in turn becomes "not feeling well" enough to go to school. This has occurred on and off for about 3 years. So far this school year he has missed 8 days.

Before anyone jumps to the conclusion that this is a matter of a "lack of discipline" or poor parenting by enabling parents, I can assure you it is neither. It is so real to him that he has gone as far as jumping out of a moving car on the way to school.

Threats of punishment have no impact at the time of the event. He is in another world when it is happening. Positive reinforcements and rewards can be of limited help.

My wife was at the end of her rope. We talked about how he should spend his day. He has been lagging in Math. I suggested that my wife have my son spend his day working on Math exercises and work around the house, particularly cleaning bathrooms. I spoke with him and told him that it was fine that he was home, but that he was going to either learn to study or learn to work.

A call to my wife later brought good news. After cleaning the two bathrooms on his hands and knees and vacuuming the second floor of the house, he told my wife that he wanted to lay down. She reminded him that there was still a great deal of work to do. She also suggested that going to school was probably a bit easier then the work she had lined up for the day.

He made it to school in time for his Math class. Another day survived.