Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Meeting the Needs of Special-Education Students
Friday, May 15, 2009
You're Too Smart to Have ADHD
I don’t know about you folks, but I can say first hand that this is the kind of thinking we tend to run into when dealing with many in our children’s school district. The people I have come to know online who have ADD or ADHD, as children or adults, have related countless stories like this. Many explain how as .... (Continued)
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
A Vision for ADHD - Part III
Now, a little more seriously, about that design framework for an alternative school concept…
Do you realize how little schools have changed in the past 200 years? Sure we have added some computer labs and there’s no doubt that we have perfected the teachers’ unions, yet so much is substantially the same. Look then or now and the scene is pretty similar: The kids are sitting at a small, confining desk most of the day, being taught the “fundamentals”, in a class size of a couple of dozen kids. The kids have off all summer, which is obviously a good thing – how else would we all take care of our crops? Take a look at an old TV show or movie depicting an early 1800’s school house and it looks strikingly similar to today’s educational environment.
Once in a while, progress, whether natural or man-made, requires substantial, sometimes violent, upheaval. I believe we are long overdue for this kind of change in our educational systems. For those of you who feel that my thinking is naïve, uninformed or overly simple, I don’t propose that I have all the answers, but I can assure you that I have a few questions and concerns. I have seen enough to know that while our schools are wonderful overall, for the ADHD subset it leaves alot to be desired.
I want to start a serious dialogue on what a “dream” ADHD school would be like. Let’s start by breaking down and discarding all of our preconceived notions. Throw out what you imagine a classroom looks like – for that matter take down the walls! Drop your initial reactions to what the hours, curriculum, testing/grading systems, teachers, and discipline should be.
Let’s start from here and free-flow some thoughts:
- Would most of the average day be spent working in an open-air, covered outdoor pavilion?
- Would the students work at desks, lab tables or mostly standing at project tables allowing the kids to fidget in place a bit?
- Would one day a week be spent working on some charitable effort chosen by the students?
- Would one session a week be spent using distance learning? From home? Or taught by a teacher from across the globe?
- Since those with ADHD often respond better to positive reinforcement, what rewards and incentives would be used and how?
- How would goals and performance be set and measured? Would goals for the school year be worked out, for each individual student, between the teacher, parent and student? Would components of a child’s learning criteria be split between the teacher’s goals, the parents’ goals and the student’s goals?
- What kind of new curriculum might we see?:
Win/Win Negotiation? Sounds complicated for a child, but how much more could we all accomplish if the “childish” dealings with others we all occasionally have were already trained out by the age of 10?
Time Management/Organization/Planning? This is the bane of those with ADHD! Why not teach children to be more efficient and effective with their efforts? Say no to “Where is my homework/wallet/keys??”.
Life discipline? Part health, part philosophy – maybe the McDonald’s of this world won’t stand a chance against these kids. If the government would like to take some of the money they won’t need for public medical costs and support this particular program, I’m sure we could find a way to accommodate them.
Delegation? Knowing what we are not good at is just as important as knowing what we excel in. Being able to manage our weaknesses through delegation can be a huge help in avoiding problems in your career, when you are dealing with ADHD.
An Animal Care Program? A child knowing that they need to get in to school to take their turn feeding and walking one of the class pets could go a long way with anxiety issues, not to mention improvements in impulsivity control, empathy and responsibility.
- Would there be a lunch program? Food education and a gluten-free, dye-free diet, with "grazing" ( many small, healthy snacks/meals)throughout the day could provide for more stable moods and behaviors in school and at home.
- Would the school have ongoing therapy? In group, in private or both? Cognitive behavioral therapy, meditation and yoga could all be part of the mix.
- What would the guiding mission of this school be? John Glennon had commented on Part II of this series and he put out a thought that seemed incredibly obvious, but at the same time I had never considered this significant point:
"...it’s incredibly important to realize that we have no shared vision about the
reason we educate our children. I would say this is akin to Dewey’s Aims of
Education. We don’t know if we’re educating them to be good citizens, good
thinkers, good soldiers, or just preparing them to move into a vocation/business
of some sort once they’ve graduated. Without this shared vision, we have
wandered aimlessly which has culminated in a poor system."
As I had stated earlier, this is only meant to start the ball rolling. We have a shared responsibility here. So with that, I turn the podium over to you, the reader. Please take a minute to share your thoughts by using the "comment" section below. I would really like to get the take of some of the parents who are homeschooling their ADHD kids (thanks for the suggestion Jack Blackthorn), as well as adults with ADHD who have thoughts on their own school experiences.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
A Vision for ADHD - Part II
As an ADHD adult, once again I find that impulsivity is riding shotgun. I have thrown out the idea that our schools, for a significant portion of society are due for radical change. But to be honest, I have not come close to fully fleshing out what they should be. It would be presumptuous on my part, to assume that something so important should flow from the thoughts of just one individual. That being said, I feel it is important to keep filling in the pieces as to what such a school might be like and why it could work.
Many comments I have received have centered on whether or not this could work:
“Our schools can barely afford what they have now. How can they afford a series of special schools?”
“It sounds wonderful but this could never happen in my lifetime”
“Won’t this be a problem for acceptance at colleges or jobs?”
I want to take any preconceived notions we have about school and throw them out the window.
Money and Funding:
As a CPA and financial consultant, I am working with educational institutions big and small. I feel that many educators at the primary school level have followed the status quo in both their programs and their finances. Creative thinking could come up with alternatives for funding.
Is it possible to establish sponsorship programs that have no effect on the educational material itself? An arm’s length relationship with sponsors could easily be established.
Our universities have learned to use fundraising appeals to provide endowments that could fund a school for generations. I am not talking about selling wrapping paper and candy bars. Direct mail campaigns and professional solicitation of large corporate and individual grants or gifts can be very powerful.
Lastly, there has been a proliferation of reports of financial abuse in schools in the past few years. We hear that a school’s budget is cut to the bone. Shortly thereafter, we read in the paper that administrators had been expanding their personal lifestyle on the school’s dime. There was one report of a school that hired a law firm on retainer, then also hired several of the attorneys as employees, with full benefits. We are hearing more of these cases, not fewer.
I do not passively accept the premise that we can’t afford such a program. I would greater argue that we cannot afford to ignore the potential for contribution from some of our brightest students, because they are outside the bell curve.
Something from the Future:
We cannot leave such important things for others to address down the road. If not myself to spearhead such a movement, then who? I believe that you create change. You don’t stand at a bus stop waiting for it to arrive. To motivate yourself to change, you accept that the change is needed, that failure to change is harmful, and that no one will do it for you. I am there on all counts. This can happen in our lifetime and I am committed to seeing it through.
An Acceptance Problem for Colleges and Employers:
Sometimes change requires upheaval. If I am right on this concept, I believe that the students such a school would produce would become not only accepted, but highly desirable. In any institution, there are needs for different contributions. Colleges and universities seek diversity in their student bodies. The best businesses today are looking for those who think differently, as they understand that innovation comes from those who have imagination in their hearts.
I have received many words of enthusiastic support for the idea of an alternative to public education for the ADHD student. Although this is only one component in the vision I have for ADHD, it is certainly a critical piece. In the next post, we’ll start to set up a creative framework for alternative schools for ADHD students.
Stay tuned for A Vision for ADHD – Part III: A Design Framework (or lack thereof).
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
A Vision for ADHD
I want to take ADHD to the world. Too often ADHD is met with a lack of understanding and a great deal of critical disbelief. Even those who care and have taken the time to become educated in this area often don't seem to fully understand.
We as a group need to get past the idea that "different" is bad. We have such great strengths and much of our recent historical progress could be attributed to those who think differently. We need to be one voice; proud of whom we are instead of always apologetic for not fitting in to "normal" expectations.
I would rather be part of the rare few than be just another sheep in the pasture. It is my personal mission to develop opportunities for excellence, on our own terms, for those with ADHD. Imagine a system of wide-spread support, education, public information, networking and empowerment.
What kind of success could we achieve for ourselves and for our society, if there were open-minded educational opportunities for the ADHD'rs of the world? What if 10% of our schools thought like the approximately 10% of the individuals did? If we had schools that focused their efforts on developing the creative strengths of the ADHD'rs while spending time training them to organize, plan and delegate efficiently, the possibilities would be limitless. Instead, our children are trained in an environment where the educators are trying to be "accommodating" to our "difficulties". What if schools were structured in a way that encouraged targeted thinking without the limits of a textbook or classroom plan that at times may be incorrect or, at best, stifling for the imagination? If properly established, the results could be so staggering, as to the member of society that it produces, that people would be clamoring to get their children labeled as ADHD, so they could participate in the "gifted" schools.
Our minds have their greatest capacity for learning in our earliest years. So why do we create the most indelible imprint on a child's understanding that they are anything less than the brightest sparks that they are? We are taking some of our greatest, brightest resources and crushing them before they have had a chance to truly share their gifts.
We have taken a backseat to the needs of those within the bell curve. Is this possibly efficient rather than effective? How often is popular opinion or popular choice downright wrong? Using the 80/20 Principle/Pareto's Principle, we could suggest that 10% (to 20% - work with me here) of our students will be producing 80% of society's results in the future. Are our schools sure they have picked the right 20% to design our schools around? What if they are wrong?
I believe that the world of ADHD needs new educational and supporting opportunities now and that a few can make the difference for many.
Stay tuned my friends. I am not even close to finished.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Inappropriate vs. Inconvenient
I'm teleporting back in my life - let's say about 35 years. I'm on the street where I live in a Long Island suburb. There are about 15 of us - kids of all ages. What do we have in common? We all have guns!
Plastic pistols and machine guns that go clack-clack-clack. Many forced us to yell "BANG!" or (insert your favorite childhood fake gun sound here). Some were made of conveniently shaped sticks when there were more kids than guns. We'd hide in bushes waiting for the "bad guys" to come. Shouts of "I got you!" and "No way - you totally missed me!" could be heard for hours.
Those were some great afternoons.
For thousands of years, societies have looked proudly to the stories of their war heroes. Those heroes were revered for their selfless sacrifice, courage, valour, fortitude and bravery. Even today, our government runs commercials daily that show young people and children how "great" a life in the military is. The commercials range from the Seal team creeping out of the water in the dark of night, leaving no trace of footsteps after the next wave hits the shore or giving humanitarian aid to some village in need. It makes quite an impression on a young child. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were cool, but this? This is real!
It is no wonder that a young boy has a fascination with "army stuff". Guns, soldiers, cool uniforms, attack vehicles - the list goes on and on. Factor in the most popular video game titles? Halo, Call of Duty, World of Warcraft (10 million paid subscribers paying $180 each year). You might say there's a little interest here.
Now let's focus a bit on the current day. When I say current day, let's say post-Columbine - that horrible day of April 20, 1999. Two students at Columbine High School went on a rampage, killing 12, wounding 23, then commiting suicide - all with guns. To say it changed a nation is an understatement. After an event like that, inquisitions begin. Naturally, those close looks eventually become blame-fests. What the school admistrators did wrong. What the police did wrong. What parents and students did wrong. How did we ignore the signs?
Self-examination is important after such an event. History repeats itself and we should learn from our mistakes. There are other factors here as well: preventative lawyering and risk reduction. We live in a litigious society. We are threatened every day by lawsuits that are sometimes valid and sometimes frivilous and parasitic. In reaction to these threats, schools have taken a "zero-tolerance" approach to anything having to do with guns in a school environment.
When a young boy draws a catalog of his imagined army, this is deemed as inappropriate in today's zero-tolerance schools. Inappropriate and in need of punishment. "Off to the school psychologist! We're very concerned" Very concerned??
Let's put this in perspective. A child draws pictures of the thing that has been programmed into a society for generations. Due to a school district's fears of a lawsuit down the road, the child is sacrificed. This places very conflicting standards on the child. Returning war veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan = Good; Drawing a picture of them = Bad. What are we teaching our kids? This is a very black and white solution to a world with many shades of gray. How many systems and infrastructures must we destroy with knee-jerk, reactionary policies?
Was the picture "inappropriate" or was it "inconvenient" to the schools risk-reduction program, instituted by a lawyer who has no interest in the right of expression of a child?
By the way - last I checked, none of my childhood freinds had gone on a gun-toting rampage in their later years.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
There's No Checkbox For My ADHD Child
What do you do when your ADHD child does not fit into someone's checklist?
We just had a meeting with our school district's Special Education committee. We had requested an evaluation for our son for an IEP, or Individualized Education Plan, due to his ADHD and Asperger's. As described in earlier posts, his ADHD and Asperger's have been interfering with his focus in school and hurting his relationships with peers and teachers alike.
PJ was put through a series of psychological and intelligence tests. His standardized results came back as someone with superior to very superior abilities, often ranking in the 98 and 99 percentiles. His ability to respond to instructions was relatively low. Put in terms of PJ's experience, he has some tremendous potential, yet he has had substantially lagging grades.
Remembering homework and bringing home books has been challenging to say the least. One of the benefits we were hoping to get for PJ was some additional monitoring or oversight in regard to these assignments.
At the IEP meeting, there were many present, including the school's principal and psychologist, PJ's main teacher, PJ's psychiatrist, individuals responsible for the testing, a chairperson from the school district, Dawn and myself. All participants seemed concerned for PJ. His attendance in school was getting worse and worse. Indications of depression were beginning to show.
When all the discussions and empathetic looks were over, it came down to this: "His support systems are great!", "He seems to be doing well!", "We should continue to monitor him"(insert look of concern here). To really make the committee's difficulty clear, we have "I don't even have a checkbox we could use for him in my state forms". Lastly we are given "You can always request this meeting again" (insert hopeful smile here). Wow. How is it that I was not overly surprised?
As the appointed day for the meeting was approaching, I had come to the recognition that we were somewhat on our own. There is no government sponsored public education system that was going to hold our hand and steer us towards the best possible situation for PJ. They are tuned into education for those within the bell curve - the "normals". I don't mean to imply that they don't try or that they don't care. They clearly do care and are working with what they have internally and externally. But in PJ's case, it's not enough.
As in many walks of life, you are your own best advocate. Don't wait for your child's educators to pat you on the fanny and send you off with a "success guarantee" tucked neatly in your pocket. We have found that our greatest tools are thinking outside the box and taking direct responsibility for the results.
Don't be locked down to conventional thinking for your child. Instead of trying to force your "round peg" child into a "square hole" world, look for and enhance their strengths.
PJ loves drawing, computer generated art and Flash animation. By 10 years old he had taught himself to design animated cartoons using Flash. He was also posting those animations online and getting great feedback from adult artists. When PJ says he wants to be a graphic artist or game designer, we don't ignore him. We look for ways to encourage him in his endeavors. What better way to find success than doing what you truly love.
Find what puts your ADHD child in "the zone". Give them the opportunities to find their life's vocation even if it's not what you would consider a traditional path for them.
To paraphrase a favorite movie, "We don't need no stinkin' checkboxes!"
- Peace
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
The Power of Choice
We have changed direction a little lately. As mentioned in earlier posts, our son was having increasing difficulties with school. His ADHD was getting the best of him. PJ was reaching his limits with how many reprimands he could face each week. His spirit was at an all-time low.
Strict discipline was not working. It only seemed to shut down communication and showed itself as anger from all involved. After one particularly horrible night, I decided that the circus was over. We tried being more supportive, loving and encouraging. No more tug-of-wars over going to school each morning. We explained why it was important, offered rewards for going and explained restrictions if he didn’t.
In recent meetings with his school’s principal, vice-principal, psychologist and several of PJ’s teachers, I challenged them all to reach beyond their understanding of ADHD. We asked that they help PJ, through encouragement and support, rather than constant reprimands for his impulsivity. The principal made it clear that they were being understanding and that PJ had gotten off easy for his behaviors. For the second time, we suggested that maybe dealing with this was beyond reasonable expectations for the school and its staff. They insisted that they wanted PJ in the school and felt they could be of help.
In the following weeks, things got worse. PJ’s breaking point came when he told us through tears, that he just wants to be normal and that normal kids don’t get “written up” 5 times in one week. We assured PJ that he didn’t have to worry about Dawn and me getting upset over the school issues. We told him that he deserves to be happy and that he doesn’t have to worry about breaking the bad news of the day to us on top of everything else. We stopped pressuring him to go to school if he was having an anxiety moment getting ready in the morning. The school was clearly not helping.
Dawn was concerned. “He has to get to school! He’ll get left back!” I assured Dawn that right now, school was the least of our worries. PJ’s self-esteem and confidence were gone. He was in a depression-like state. There was more at risk for his mental health than was at risk for his academics.
Yesterday morning, PJ announced that he wasn’t going back to school. Considering what he had been going through, I could not blame him. I told him that it’s his choice and that was fine. (I know what you’re thinking – “who in their right mind would allow their 11 year old decide he wasn’t going to school?”. It needed to be done – read on!)
I continued to explain that it might be best for him to tough it out for the remaining three months of school. Then, PJ would be in a new school, entering 7th grade. I told him although it was OK that he did not want to go back, we would have to work out some other school or program, as he was legally required to stay in some form of education. I also warned him that, due to his numerous absences and time that would be lost transitioning into another school, he would likely have to repeat the 6th grade. I left the decision up to him. His choice. No tug-of-war. You can’t have a tug-of-war if no one is pulling on the other end.
PJ decided that he did not want to have to repeat the year. He chose to go back to school. This morning, I asked again what he decided and if he was sure. He confirmed that he wanted to go to school. Dawn called a little while ago – he went right in with no problems.
The power of choice can be an amazing thing. No one likes to have things forced upon them. We all like to feel that we are having some control over where we are going and what we do. I realize that this is not the end – just a great day.
- Peace
Monday, March 23, 2009
Teaching Your Child to Develop a Plan
We’ve all heard the adage – “If we fail to plan, we plan to fail”. For a child with ADHD, who is living in the moment, this warning is especially true.
One of the negative aspects of ADHD is our distorted perception of time. The bad times seem to last a lifetime, while the good times seem to disappear in the blink of an eye. We have our moments of intense focus on some narrow topic or issue and then we have moments where days, weeks, and months disappear in everyday distractions.
Almost any survey looking for the common behaviors of successful individuals or organizations seems to touch on the effect that planning can have on meeting our short and long term goals. Almost invariably having a clear plan or vision is a key starting point in successful endeavors.
That’s great – but what does that really mean? I have had opportunities, in working with our kids on elaborate projects, to see just how effective a plan can be with someone overwhelmed by their ADHD tendencies. These are strategies developed through business experiences that warranted detailed planning to ensure that goals were met on time and important details were not lost along the way. The concepts were powerful, but still very simple. Teaching my kids to use these techniques can take “I quit!” projects to “I’m done a week early!” very easily.
Clear the decks! The first step involves no attempts to make progress on the project itself. Take that pressure off yourself or your child. Instead, we will just brainstorm.
Get out some pads, a clean calendar and any materials that may help us understand what the project is, such as an assignment sheet. Break the overall project into the mini-steps involved:
· Select topic
· Do background research
· Go to library/internet for detailed research
· Prep Item #1
· Prep Item #2
· Prep Item #3
· Typing
· Artwork
· Bibliography
· Table of contents
· Covers
· Final assembly
Obviously, the above list is just one example of possible subtopics. It should be broken down into steps that would take less than an hour to complete or could be completed in one or two sittings.
Now, using the list above, estimate how long each step should take. BE GENEROUS with the allotted time. It is much more encouraging to complete steps within the planned time, rather than for your child to feel a tsunami building behind them as they are losing time each day.
Using the calendar, drop notes into the available days, showing what can be completed each day, allowing for other homework, after-school activities and leaving an occasional day open. Ideally, you would have plenty of extra days before the project’s due date. It is important for the child to understand that if needed, some of those free and extra days may be needed if we fall behind or if surprises arise. Monitor the schedule throughout the project to determine if adjustments need to be made.
This method is simple, yet can be a great tool even as he or she enters into their post-school years and is working. I have used this method to plan anything from a school project, planning a complicated Thanksgiving meal to staff scheduling for a multi-million dollar accounting practice.
Teach your child that with a plan, the most daunting tasks can be overcome. Hopefully, they will make the leap to planning a very successful life.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Dad Goes Under the Bus
*** A Reminder - Hunter in a Farmer's World has moved - please update your bookmarks, subscriptions and links to ADHDHunter.com ***
"You can't expose your kids to analysis in a public forum, while you hide behind a keyboard." This thought has been creeping up on me the past few days. I expect this will be uncomfortable and at the same time cathartic.
So into the barrel I go …
In my early days, I was that kid that was always being told how bright I was. From the age of 5 or 6, people expected that I was going places! Big things were in my future! By the 6th grade, things were starting to slip. Come Junior High School, grades were dropping here and there. In High School, my grades were in freefall. Attendance was becoming spotty. The straight A student was now failing in classes, spending his time "hanging-out" and in detention, once found.
"You really should apply yourself." "You're just being lazy." "You need to try harder." Words. Words from well-meaning people. Words from teachers and school officials. Words from loving family. Just words. We did not know then, but these words to someone dealing with ADHD were the equivalent of telling a deaf person that he/she is not listening. It's like telling someone with clinical depression to be happy. Although well-meaning, I had no idea what to do with these labels and suggestions. Two failed attempts at college created more labels: "textbook, classic, underachiever". After a time, we tend to wear the cloaks we are given.
I spent those teen and young adult years self-medicating. I was involved in too many accidents involving "spirited" driving. It got to the point where I wouldn't leave the house in the morning until I spent a few minutes enjoying the "high" life. Wasted time and money. Reckless behavior. After many years of this I decided that I had too many lost experiences like not noticing a 50 foot Godzilla on the concert stage. Too many lost licenses. Having to pay court and legal fees and then paying someone to drive you around all day for your job.
I hit bottom.
It was the late 80's and early 90's. I had recently gotten back together with and married my first real girlfriend from High School. The economy was week and was effecting the company I worked for. I decided that there wouldn't be a better time to quit my job as a project manager for a home remodeler and go back to school. This time around it was different.
School went well. I was heading towards an accounting degree. I began an internship with a firm while attending school. Now I was hitting my stride. I worked 35 hours a week while taking 18 credits. I filled every slot for summer classes and winter session classes. Going on 2 hours of sleep a night, I completed college, receiving awards for merit. Shortly after, I passed what is considered to be the second most difficult exam in the U.S... I am currently working close to 120 hours a week as a financial consultant, serving clients around the world.
Lazy. Underachiever. Maybe not.
This doesn't mean that I've beaten ADHD or outgrew ADHD. I still trip over it regularly. ADHD still hurts relationships with others. Very often, something as simple as a relatively easy phone call, or letter, or required document will become insurmountable. Easy, yet impossible. Chris – 0, Procrastination – 100. My impulsivity can take over at times. I could walk into a conversation telling myself, "do not talk about Topic A!", only to find myself driving right into it. I have offended people with statements I have made, while intending no offense whatsoever. This includes loved ones, co-workers and clients. Not good. Impulsive buying – that one's too frightening too even go into – I'll have to build up to that one some other time.
On the upside, I know that ADHD also provides some very positive qualities. I am intelligent, creative/artistic, loving, generous and intuitive. Life with ADHD is challenging, but in my heart I think the good outweighs the bad – as long as you can overcome the bad.
Peace
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Where did everyone go?
When we first determined that our son had ADHD, we took an aggressive approach to the situation - denial wasn't our style. We sought the best medical advice we could get. We immersed ourselves in every book, magazine and web site having anything to do with ADHD and ADD.
Almost everyone has heard the debate on whether or not to use medication. Our doctor had advised that any side effects of the medication, such as weight loss, would be far outweighed by one critical concern. The doctor expressed concern that our sons impulsive behaviour would not only get him in trouble with his school teachers and administrators, but would also have the potential for him to be ostracized by his peers/friends.
We went the medication route and over time found the right meds, dosage and timing for our son. Having ADHD myself, I have taken medication also and can state, without hesitation, that my thoughts and actions are clearer, calmer, less distracted and less impulsive.
We have had times where our son has had to go without his meds. At those times, invariably, a new person comes out: completely out of control with bizarre interactions with others. At the end of those days, my son is generally remorseful and cannot wait to have his medication the next day.
Even with the benefit of the medication, school and relationships with friends have suffered.
Although school administrators have expressed patience and an understanding with the situation, that does not always make it all the way to the teaching staff. Teachers see an extremely bright boy who can behave at times and therefore see our son as choosing to behave or not. Reporting that the child is impulsive or ill-behaved is the equivalent of saying "the blind boy still refuses to see".
Close friendships never seem to last more than a couple of years. Our son's sense of humor is intelligent and above his age-level. Teachers and counselor's see some very clever attempts at humor that other kids see as just "weird".
It is a beautiful day today on Long Island - a nice warm break from a bitter winter. Other kids are running around outside in shorts and T-shirts. My son is sitting in front of the computer. His play is "safe" there. He won't offend anyone. No one will reprimand him for his impulsivity. It seems that it gets harder and harder for him to risk reaching out to others.
We still press on looking for opportunities for him to have positive social experiences. ADHD runs in cycles - good times of the day and bad; good days/months/years and bad. Better days will come again.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Lesson Learned
I am currently traveling in the Midwest for a little more than a week. I checked in at home this morning to find that my son would not go to school today. He was "tired".
To bring you up to speed quickly, my son is a gifted 6th grader, with ADHD. He has been struggling with mornings of anxiety, which in turn becomes "not feeling well" enough to go to school. This has occurred on and off for about 3 years. So far this school year he has missed 8 days.
Before anyone jumps to the conclusion that this is a matter of a "lack of discipline" or poor parenting by enabling parents, I can assure you it is neither. It is so real to him that he has gone as far as jumping out of a moving car on the way to school.
Threats of punishment have no impact at the time of the event. He is in another world when it is happening. Positive reinforcements and rewards can be of limited help.
My wife was at the end of her rope. We talked about how he should spend his day. He has been lagging in Math. I suggested that my wife have my son spend his day working on Math exercises and work around the house, particularly cleaning bathrooms. I spoke with him and told him that it was fine that he was home, but that he was going to either learn to study or learn to work.
A call to my wife later brought good news. After cleaning the two bathrooms on his hands and knees and vacuuming the second floor of the house, he told my wife that he wanted to lay down. She reminded him that there was still a great deal of work to do. She also suggested that going to school was probably a bit easier then the work she had lined up for the day.
He made it to school in time for his Math class. Another day survived.
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